Tuesday, November 16, 2010

        Koyomi Mizuhara rode an otherwise empty elevator up to the
eighteenth floor. ｢I wonder why they want to see me?｣ she said in
Japanese, as she ascended through the Ministry of Justice building.  She
reflected that she was finally starting to feel a sense of belonging in
her job as a Public Prosecutor.  Her intelligence and studious nature
had allowed Yomi to excel at university -- and her natural inclination
to correct the faulty logic of others had led her to the study of law.
        Women who had passed the bar exam were still not very common,
even today, but that fact made Kyouko-senpai something of a mentor to
her in the office.  And she was even starting to get along with
Takahashi-san; despite his gruff manners, he really was a softie inside.
And she finally got her first big conviction, the Ogawa case, she
silently reflected.
        ｢Maybe that's why I'm being summoned up here.｣  She hoped it
wouldn't take too long.  Her workload was heavy enough without being
summoned to the Department Chief's office.
        She ran out of time to reflect on the matter, as the elevator
door parted and revealed the desks of the bosses' secretaries.  The
tall, twenty-five year-old woman strode out in her gray jacket and
skirt, worn over a white blouse and long black stockings.  Her long
brown hair fluttered slightly as she stepped forward, her bangs coming
to the top of her thin square-framed glasses.
        The secretary with the black ponytail led her into an office,
stating, ｢Mizuhara Koyomi to see you.｣
        Yomi stood at attention and announced, ｢Section Chief, sir.｣
        ｢Thank you for coming today, Mizuhara-kun,｣ said the man with
graying hair and a crisp black suit.  ｢Good work on the Ogawa case.  I'm
glad to see those narcotics off the street.｣
        ｢Thank you, Chief.｣  A small smile spread across Yomi's face.
        ｢However, that's not why we're here today.  We have been
reviewing your educational and personal history, and believe that you
possess, well, unique qualifications to solve a certain problem.｣
        ｢Huh?｣
        ｢I'm sure that you know public prosecutors also serve as law
enforcement officers.  While this situation is unusual, we feel it will
best serve Japan's presence in the international community.｣
        ｢Oh no.  It couldn't be.｣  Yomi's eyes grew wider.
        ｢You are being transferred to the ICPO headquarters in Lyon,
France, where you will assist in criminal investigations, and, uh,
damage control.｣
        <It -is-,> she thought.
        With a genuine smile, Section Chief Morita added, ｢Further, you
will be promoted to the next pay grade.  I know you will do your best in
representing Japan.  Congratulations, Mizuhara-kun!｣
        ｢What has she gotten me into this time ...｣

                           Interpol Manzai

                     Part 1:  The Assange Affair

                       Brent "Vorticity" Laabs



                     Saturday, November 27, 2010

        The sky was slowly turning a saffron color as the sun began to
set over Lyon-Saint Exupéry Airport, with only a few small wispy clouds
in the sky.  Walking into the airport, a building with two long windowed
arches arranged in a wedge, was a young Japanese policewoman with her
dark hair in a flip.  She made her way through crowds of travelers to
the terminal's exit and waited, a smile of anticipation etched upon her
face.
        The slender woman in worn blue jeans and a sky blue coat scanned
the crowd from her perch by the windows, looking for certain individual
in the saturated light and long shadows of sunset.  After a few minutes
waiting, someone caught her eye.  A spark lit behind her brown eyes that
outshone the gleam of the police badge on her belt, and her grin spread
from ear to ear.  Tomo Takino bolted from her chair, and dashed towards
her quarry.
        ｢YOMIIIIIII!｣
        She nearly tackled her prey in a victorious hug, forcing Yomi to
drop her bag to stay upright.  ｢Hyaaa... Hi Tomo.｣
        ｢I missed you so much!｣
        ｢I missed you too,｣ replied Yomi, now recentered enough to
actually return the hug.  ｢I just wasn't expecting to see you so soon.｣
        ｢Well, it's not as if I could keep you waiting,｣ she said as she
stretched out her hand, adding in English, "Partner."
        Yomi started walking off towards the baggage claim.
        ｢Rebuffed!｣ Tomo gave as part of her running commentary on her
life, and caught up to Yomi. ｢What's wrong?｣
        ｢I just flew halfway around the world because of you.｣
        ｢Aw, that's sweet.｣
        ｢Do you have any idea how long a flight that is? Fifteen hours.｣
        ｢Ah...｣
        ｢I'm just not in the mood right now.｣
        They arrived at the baggage claim, and started waiting for
Koyomi's baggage to appear on the conveyor belt.
        ｢Wow, fifteen hours.  That must mean it's like its, like, 7AM
for you.｣
        Yomi stared at Tomo.
        Tomo timidly offered, ｢Good morning?｣
        ｢The time zone difference is eight hours,｣ an irritated Yomi
countered.
        ｢Wake up, it's almost time for school!｣
        Yomi rummaged through her carry-on bag for a second, pulled out
a small paper fan, and smacked Tomo on the forehead with it. ｢I had a
feeling that I would need this.｣
        They waited there for another twenty minutes, the rosy light of
twilight beginning to fade outside the airport windows.  They caught up
on all of the things that they had missed in each others lives since
they parted to attend different colleges.  Sure, they had tried to stay
in touch with each other, but Tomo's odd working hours as a police
officer in Tokyo had made things difficult, and her move to France two
years ago made it more difficult still.
        But even with so much to discuss, Tomo's patience wore thin.
｢Okay, this is ridiculous, when are they going to start the baggage
carousel?｣
        ｢I'm sure they're -- hey, wait a minute.｣ Yomi followed Tomo to
a security guard dressed in black.
        Tomo grabbed her badge, held it forward, and spoke French to the
man, «I demand that you start this baggage carousel at once! This is
urgent International Police business!»
        «No it isn't, I'm sorry Monsieur,» Yomi began to refute, but was
interrupted.
        «Keeping us here waiting like this is an abridgment of our civil
rights!» Tomo continued, drawing some applause from the mostly French
audience.
        «Please don't encourage her,» Yomi said, putting her right palm
over her eyes.
        The young security guard, who couldn't be a day older than
twenty, began, «I think you'd have to talk to your airline's baggage
office over there, Mademoiselle.  I just...»
        But at that moment, the conveyors on the carousel started to
rotate, and a cheer rose up from the crowd of weary travelers.  An older
gentleman added sardonically, «Finally, the government gets involved in
this great injustice.»
        As she picked up her luggage from the conveyor, she remarked to
herself, ｢Half an hour, and it's already abuse of police authority. This
is going to be harder than I thought.｣  But she was smiling anyway.

        The two of them drove towards Lyon, the streetlights flickering
on one by one.  ｢Why don't you sleep at my place tonight, Yomi-chan?  I
have a spare room right now.｣
        ｢Thank you much, Tomo-chan.  I would be very grateful.｣
        ｢Well I couldn't have my best friend looking for a hotel while
she's so tired.  What with the time change, you must have been flying
uh--｣ Tomo did some quick arithmetic in her head, ｢-- 23 hours.｣
        ｢The time zone, you don't...｣ Yomi's voice trailed off. ｢You
know what, you're right, I'm tired.｣
        Tomo drove towards the heart of the city, the lights of the tall
buildings filling the horizon.  The pair rode through narrow one-way
streets of multi-story buildings to the sixth arrondissement.  Tomo
turned into a small alcove in a building on Rue Garibaldi which led to a
small ground-floor parking lot.
        They loaded Yomi's baggage into a small elevator, and rode it up
to the third floor.  Tomo admitted Yomi to a small apartment, but Yomi
was too tired to take a good look around.  Yomi was sent to a small,
bare bedroom, with only a built-in dresser and a bed, where she promptly
fell asleep.

                        Sunday, November 28, 2010

        Yomi awoke to the smell of cooking eggs wafting in from the
other room.  With a quick glance out the window, she decided that it
must be mid-morning, and jet lag had cause her to sleep in.
        Yomi crossed the main room in her pajamas, and retreated into
the small bathroom.  She emerged a couple of minutes later, washed up
and significantly less groggy -- and just in time to see Tomo flip an
omelette into the air.
        ｢There -- wait -- whoa -- yes!｣ Tomo exclaimed, as she dived and
contorted her body to catch the spinning eggs in the pan a mere ten
centimeters above the floor.  "Capture operation successful!"  Yomi
stared in disbelief. ｢Good morning, sleepyhead.｣
        ｢Mornin'.｣
        ｢Here, sit down.｣  Tomo motioned to an old oak table with four
chairs around it, and continued, ｢I made you a traditional western
breakfast. ‹Bon appétit!›｣
        Yomi sat down to an array of croissants, toast and jams, and
fresh fruit as Tomo put a helping of a mushroom omelette on her plate.
It certainly smelled good enough, Yomi thought, but, ｢No rice?｣
        ｢Nope.｣
        ｢What's this?｣
        «Pain au chocolat.»
        Koyomi took a tentative bite of the chocolate-filled pastry. And
then another.  ｢I think I could learn to like France.｣
        ｢I think your diet could learn to hate France.｣
        ｢Why you!｣ said an irked Yomi, as she bopped Tomo's head almost
down to her plate.
        ｢Uwaaa!｣ Tomo moaned.
         Yomi then nibbled another bite of the chocolate croissant, a
little bit of chocolate falling out of the bottom side.  ｢If I gain
weight, it'll be your fault.｣
        Yomi stared out the window, across to a light gray stone
building and a pale yellow building, both with terra cotta roofs, and
down to the narrow but busy street below.  It was an older city, for
sure, but other than that not too different from her home in Tokyo.
Shops lined the bottom levels of the building, and there was a little
corner market not too far away.  <That will be convenient>, Yomi
thought, but then realizing she was getting ahead of herself, continued
silently, <If I stay, that is.>
        After the meal and now fully awake, she turned around to finally
get a good look at the third-floor apartment.  It was a small
two-bedroom flat, with Tomo's bedroom adjacent to the bathroom on one
wall of the common room, and the spare bedroom next to the kitchen nook
on the opposite wall.  A wide window with a small balcony looked out on
the street below.
        Stacks of dishes sat in the kitchen, and little motes of dust
had begun to gather on the wooden floors.  A small couch sat next to an
end table with a lamp, facing a coffee table with three almost-stacks of
various documents sitting on top.  Videos lay strewn about the shelves
under the television.
        The question finally floated to Yomi's lips, ｢Don't you ever
clean the place?  Wait, are you wearing shoes indoors?｣
        ｢Well yeah, that's the rules here.｣
        ｢Really.｣  It wasn't a question.
        ｢A policeman must follow the rules with dignity and pride,｣ Tomo
solemnly announced, back straightened and hand over her heart.
        Yomi's glare deepened.
        ｢Okay fine, it just isn't the same without Trudy here.｣
        ｢Your old partner?｣
        ｢Yeah, she used to live here with me too and, I got used to her
cleaning and all, she was so efficient. And...｣  Tomo's voice trailed
off, and her head bowed down.
        ｢Hey, how about the two of us clean up this place together?  I
bet that between the two of us, we'll be even more efficient than Trudy.
This place will be have the cleanliness of legend!｣
        Tomo's mood perked up.  ｢Yoshi!｣ she cheered.  ｢We will be known
as the Shining Super Ultra Cleaning Partners to our adoring fans.｣
        ｢The history books will recount the Battle of the Dust Bunnies,｣
offered Yomi, only half-sarcastically.
        ｢Let us prepare for battle!｣  Tomo pulled her apron back on.
        ｢But Tomo, please... take off those shoes.｣
        ｢Okay, Mizuhara-sensei,｣ Tomo responded in a high-pitched mock
schoolgirl voice.
        The women dressed for dust and went to work, scattering silt,
destroying dirt, and slaying slime.  The warriors fought bravely --
except for an incident of friendly fire, wherein Yomi's long hair was
"accidentally" sucked into the canister vacuum -- and won the day by the
mid-afternoon.
        After they got cleaned up, Yomi allowed Tomo to put on her
shoes, and they left the building on foot.  Tomo led her friend three
blocks to a nearby bouchon, where they ordered an early dinner.  The
meal seemed like a lot of meat for Yomi's Japanese tastes, but she
convinced herself that she definitely earned the rich Lyonnaise cuisine
today.
        They returned home for a quiet evening.  Yomi read a book, while
Tomo attempted to reduce the mountain of paperwork she taken home from
work.
        Yomi thought to herself, <Geez, it's too quiet.  I can't believe
I left my radio in Tokyo.>   But just a moment later, a giggle erupted
from Tomo.  Yomi lifted her head to see Tomo's face buried in a copy of
_The Adventures of Tintin_.  <Well, I guess that's better,> Yomi mused.

                     Monday, November 29, 8:05AM

        ｢Takino Tomo, wake up!  I am *not* going to be late for my first
day,｣ Yomi growled exasperatedly.
        ｢Mmmmrrf,｣ Tomo intoned into her pillow.
        ｢Now!｣
        ｢Alright,｣ she muttered.  Tomo headed groggily to the shower,
but gradually picked up speed as she got ready.  Quickly getting
dressed, she was almost a blur as she skipped out of her room towards
the dining table.
        ｢Hooray, rice!｣ Tomo chimed in.
        ｢Yeah, I was worried you had forgotten what Japanese food tasted
like.｣
        Tomo mumbled in an attempt to answer, chopsticks already
stuffing another pickled plum in her mouth.
        About the time Tomo started to slow down, Yomi had a thought.
｢You're going to work dressed in that?｣  Tomo had on her worn blue jeans
and a blue-and-white babydoll T-shirt, while Yomi wore her gray and
black business outfit with a dark blue top.
        ｢Oh, uh, yeah.  We have a pretty informal dress code in our
division, and it's a beautiful day today.  Huh, this will never work,｣
she stated, appraising Yomi's outfit.  Then she dashed into Yomi's room,
and returned just as quickly with Yomi's brown leather jacket.  ｢Here,
take that off and put this on.  You still have a chance to fit in.｣
        Yomi hesitated, but soon relented.  "When in Rome."
        Tomo picked up a sharp-looking jacket, walked to the door, and
declared in English, "To the Tomobile!"
        ｢Oh boy.｣

        Tomo's yellow Fiat veered right onto Quai Charles de Gaulle,
along the eastern bank of the Rhône River.  On the right side, they
approached a large square building covered in reflective glass, six
stories high.  Long brown piers supported overhangs on each side of the
complex, making the building appear as if it were a giant microprocessor
at the very nerve center of global law enforcement.
        ｢That's it, Yomi-chan.  Welcome to Interpol!｣
        She drove past, giving Yomi a good look, and headed into the
parking lot.  They walked inside the building to the security desk.
        ｢Oh, right,｣ Tomo said as an idea clicked in her head.  «This
beautiful woman is my new partner, can we get her an ID card?»
        «Sure thing, Miss,» the guard responded, and from the looks of
things, he agreed with the assessment of her beauty.
        Tomo smiled as Yomi went to have her picture taken. ｢I told
you'd need to dress right for today.｣
        Yomi sighed in resignation, and put on her best smile for the ID
photo.
        In under ten minutes, the guard printed out a new Interpol ID
card, labeled Koyomi Mizuhara, with a good picture, even, and some vital
statistics.
        ｢Agent 234Y, huh?  It's like Y for Yomi,｣ Tomo noted with a
cheery smile.
        ｢Hey wait, isn't your card 'Agent 234K'?  'K' to 'Y'?  Exactly
how many partners have you gone through?｣
        ｢Um, about that...｣ Tomo stammered out sheepishly.
        ｢Ah! Never mind, we're going to be late after all.｣  Yomi
dragged Tomo by an arm into the elevator.

                                9:01 AM

        The elevator doors opened, and Yomi glanced at her watch. <One
minute late,> Yomi thought nervously.  <Good enough for me.>
        Mary McCormick approached the pair of them.  "You two had better
hurry.  The Chief is waiting for you," the pretty blonde woman spoke,
her American accent carrying a serious tone.  Yomi decided that she
really should hurry, and they briskly walked past desks, cubicles, and
racks of computers to a corner office.
        The secretary outside of the Chief's office greeted them, "Good
morning. You are Miss Mizuhara, no?"  The brunette woman, in her
late-thirties, had an obvious French accent in her question.
        "Yes," Yomi replied, trying her French, «Good Morning,
Madame...» pausing to hear the woman's name.
        «-Mademoiselle- Julie Lafayette,» she said, stressing the first
word. «Pleased to meet you.»
        Yomi had a flash of insight, <Oh no, *never* get the secretary
mad at you.>  She gave Julie a quick glance.  Julie was certainly a
little older and a little heavier than her, but she had curves in the
right places, and wore clothing to subtly accentuate that fact.  She was
definitely trying to seem younger, <However...>
        «Pleased to meet you, ｢Oba-san｣,» Yomi said, taking a quick bow.
        Tomo suppressed a snicker.
        «You had better get in there -- the Chief is expecting you.»
She turned her head and called to a nearby office, "New girl's here,
Giovanni!"
        A tall, broad-shouldered Italian man came out of his office, and
followed behind the pair into the Chief's office.  But Yomi's attention
was focused on the man behind the desk.
        Chief Daisuke Aramaki was a man in his early forties with dense
salt-and-pepper hair, his hairline mostly receded to a ring around the
back of his scalp.  He had a neatly-trimmed goatee, and an even sharper
suit and tie.  Standing up from behind his desk, Yomi could tell he
wasn't a tall man -- perhaps even a tiny bit shorter than Tomo -- but he
was broad-shouldered and quite trim for his age. But the feature she
noticed the most was the obvious intelligence in his eyes, sizing her up
as she entered the room.
        Yomi was about to greet him with a salute (Tomo was not), but
instead he reached out his hand. He greeted her in his growling voice,
"Nice to meet you, Mizuhara-kun.  I am Aramaki Daisuke, ICPO Chief of
Cyber Crime."
        "Nice to meet you, Chief Aramaki."  Yomi returned his handshake.
        ｢Morning, Chief!｣ Tomo added.
        "Good morning to you, too.  I think we should stick to English
for now, for Officer Scarpa's benefit."
        "Giovanni Scarpa, Deputy Chief of the Cyber Crime Division, at
your service." Scarpa shook Yomi's hand and gave her a playful smile.
His handsome, olive-toned face was framed by dark hair pulled back in a
ponytail.  Yomi couldn't help but return the smile.
        "He'll be in charge of your training," Aramaki said.  "I
understand that you haven't had much experience with police work in the
past."
         Yomi started, "I --"
        "Yomi is Japan's number one rising star public prosecutor!" Tomo
loudly interjected.  "She knows everything about the law, and always
gets a conviction.  Even the innocent ones, because she's just that
good!  But that's horrible, sending an innocent man to jail.  Yomi, how
could you?!"
        ｢Idiot!｣ Yomi growled, her eyebrows turned down.
        "Ow, Ow, Ow," said Tomo, in rhythm with karate chops Yomi was
landing on her head.
        Aramaki laughed.  "I see that we were right to request you, Miss
Mizuhara.  You two get along so well."
        "That's right.  We've were always together from grade school
through high school," Tomo confirmed.
        "As you know, Officer Takino has a lot of energy, but she
definitely needs a partner that can, well, channel her energy
appropriately."
        "Ah.  Keeping her from getting lost in fantasy or idiocy.  I can
definitely do that."
        "You're mean."  Tomo folded her arms over her chest.  Giovanni
couldn't help but laugh this time.
        Chief Aramaki, however, pressed on: "Officer Takino is a
valuable member of this division, and I want to see that she's supported
the best she can be.  To that end, we will see that you are
fully-trained as a police officer.  Officer Scarpa, can you give her the
basics, and see that she's outfitted?  Oh, and have Officer McCormick
spend some time with her on firearms."
        "Certainly."
        "Firearms?" Yomi wondered, somewhat worried.
        "Finally, the most important thing," Aramaki continued, standing
up.  "Raise your right hand."  Yomi did so.
        "Do you swear to help prevent and fight crime in a fair and
equitable manner, in accordance with the Universal Declaration of Human
Rights and the regulations of the International Criminal Police
Organization?"
        "I do."
        He reached into his desk, took out a police badge, and offered
it to Yomi. "Congratulations, Officer Mizuhara Koyomi, and welcome to
the International Police."  The bald man smiled with an ape-like grin.
        ｢She did it!｣ Tomo beamed.
        "Thank you, sir," said Yomi as she graciously accepted the
badge.

        Tomo and Yomi followed Giovanni out of the room. Yomi noticed
that he wearing a black leather jacket and jeans.  They definitely
suited him, as Yomi thought that they made the man look quite
attractive.
        And she had to admit that Tomo was right -- Chief Aramaki
apparently did not keep a strict dress code after all.  Although the
tall woman she had seen on her way in, with the curly blonde hair, was
dressed in a drab business pantsuit, so maybe they weren't all fun and
games here.  Giovanni called out to the seriously dressed woman, "Hey,
America."
        "What's up?" she answered back.
        Yomi turned to Tomo and gave her a suspicious look.
        "Can you give Yomi here some firearms training this afternoon?"
        "Sure."
        Tomo chimed in, "America, I'd like you to meet Yomi Mizuhara.
Yomi, this is America."
        Mary McCormick gave Yomi a firm handshake and a half-hearted
smile.  "Nice to meet you," she said, "I'm busy right now, but can we
meet up at three o'clock?"
        Yomi made a quick glance to Giovanni as if to ask permission,
and answered, "Sure, see you then."
        After she had retreated to her office, Yomi accused Tomo,
"America, eh? This must be your fault."
        "She's from America!"
        "What's her real name, in case I ever have to take a phone call
or something?"
        ｢Um...｣  Tomo failed to remember.
        Giovanni jumped in, "Mary McCormick."
        "Mary ... oh, I get it."
        "'America' is good, though.  She takes the name as a
compliment," Giovanni said, expressing his lack of understanding through
his hands, as they walked towards his office.  "I suppose we should get
started on your police training.  I'm sure you already understand the
rules of evidence and criminal theory, so we can cover more practical
things, like investigative techniques and how to use equipment."
        "Thanks.  I'd don't know what I'd do if I had to rely on -her-
for training," Yomi said, tilting her head in Tomo's direction, who had
just snuck off to pick up a cup of coffee in the break room.
        "It's my pleasure," the Italian said warmly.  "I'm sure that I
will enjoy spending time with you, for teaching."  Tomo drank her cup of
coffee in 13.7 seconds which, according to her watch, was a new record
time for her.  As Giovanni opened the door to his office for Yomi he saw
a smile on her face.
        Once the pair stepped inside the office, Yomi said, "I think
I'll enjoy spending time with you too."  Fueled by caffeine, Tomo made
it in the office right behind them. "Training, I mean."
        "Don't forget to teach her about the -handcuffs-," Tomo teased.
"She'll -love- those."
        "TOOO-MOOO!" she growled through clenched teeth.
        "OKgottago,bye!"
        Tomo rapidly ducked out the door, narrowly avoiding a desk
eraser which had been aimed at her forehead.  She walked back to her
desk, laughing aloud as she went.
        After a moment, Giovanni broke the tension and asked, "Well, are
you ready to get started?"
        Yomi realized where she was, and blushed.
        "Uh, yes sir."
        "Call me Giovanni."

                                3:27 PM

        "... and just like that, I was nicknamed America," she concluded
her story.
        "That all sounded scarily familiar," Yomi deadpanned.
        "Oh, it's not scary at all!  I think Tomo gave me the name
because I represent the ideals of America around the world: liberty and
justice for all." America said earnestly.
        "Is that so?"
        "Of course! Isn't that why you are here too, Koyomi?  To bring
justice to the world?"
        "Uh... of course."  In her heart, Yomi had no idea what she was
doing here at all, or what had possessed her to go along with this crazy
transfer.  And here she was in a basement shooting range, practicing how
to shoot a gun with a crazy American.
        "And I want to be just like Officer Tomo, and work right ..."
America's voice trailed off, and her face hardened a little bit.  Yomi
was glad about that, because there was there was no way that sentence
could have ended in any sane manner.
        After a moment, America said, "We should continue practicing.
Make another attempt; try to relax a little more this time."  Yomi
started to raise her weapon, but America interrupted, "Don't forget your
ear protection."

             /♪ Aerosmith  "Janie's Got a Gun" _Pump_ ♪/

        Finally, Yomi got into position, spread her legs apart, and held
her arms tensely in front of her.  She furrowed her brow and glanced
forward at the paper target, bearing the white outline of a man on black
paper.  She finally gathered the courage to pull the trigger, and fired
six shots in rapid succession.
        And every single one was a complete miss.  Well, that may not be
technically true, as the third shot managed to hit fairly close to the
center of the target two rows to the left of Yomi.  The last two shots
ricocheted from the ceiling, caused by her gun drifting up, and managed
to make nice sparks off of the metal boxes around the fluorescent
lights.
        The black paper returned to Yomi, bearing a single bullet hole a
couple centimeters from the lower left corner.  "Well, at least I'm
improving."  She shook her hands to try to get some of the pain out of
her wrists.
        The blonde stood next to her, turned to the side, and raised a
single hand with a pistol. She fired five shots at the target in the
next row; when the sheet returned, she was rewarded with four kill shots
and one just outside of the center range.
        "Amazing!"
        "All it takes is practice and dedication, and soon you will
shoot as well as I.  So I take it that police officers do not commonly
use firearms in Japan?"
        "Well, you see, I'm not actually a police officer, I'm a public
prosecutor.  So I was never trained for that job."
        "Really?" America's sweet voice reacted with emotion that
surprised Yomi, given how calm and collected she had seemed so far.  "I
do not understand why you would be given this assignment then, if you
have no experience in --" She stopped abruptly, collected her thoughts,
and said, "I'm sorry, that was --"
        But she was interrupted again, by the metal door slamming open
behind her.  Tomo stepped through and said, "Yomi is my partner because
of a special program that pairs police officers and prosecutors to make
justice -even more efficient!-"
        "Really?" America asked.
        "Yeah.  In important cases, the prosecutors help solve the case,
so that the trials can start right away without having to learn about
the whole case.  It's a big time-saver," Tomo explained.
        "That sounds like a really good idea, but I've never heard of it
before."
        <She's actually buying it,> Yomi thought.  <Well, in for a
penny.>
        "That's because it's a program of the International Criminal
Court, and you Americans still haven't joined it yet," Yomi said.
        "Oh, I see.  So you will be trying the cases yourself, Koyomi?
Wow, that's really cool."  America smiled at Yomi, completely believing
the fabrication.
        Tomo declared, "Well, we had better be going -- the Chief says
he's got a case for us!"
        "Wait, already?" Yomi said incredulously.

          /♪ Kurihara Masaki "Yukkuri Iko (Let's Go Slowly)"
                      _Azumanga Daiou OST 1_ ♪/                
        A tall man stood in a windowless room, his pale skin and stringy
white hair lit only by harsh light from the banks of computer monitors
behind him.  He spoke in a hard-to-place, but slightly Australian
sounding accent, "I still can't believe that they've been hiding this
from us.  All this time.  When we send this data out, it will
revolutionize the world!"
        A shorter man in a trenchcoat stood next to the door, his face
hidden in the shadows.  He spoke in an English accent, "That sounds
good, mate.  Keep up the good work.  Hey, I'm going out to the store, do
you want anything?"
        "Uh... I guess you could pick up some more Dew.  It's going to
be a long hack tonight."
        "A'right, mate.  Be back in half-an-hour."  The door clicked
shut, and the sounds of his feet climbing up wooden stairs echoed
through the room.
        The taller man sat back down in his computer chair, and smiled
mischievously.

        America followed Tomo and Yomi upstairs, offering some final
advice.  "All right.  You can keep your weapon.  But always remember to
keep the safety on.  And remember to store it in Tomo's gun safe when
you're not using it.  Gun safety is a priority one."
        Yomi whispered to Tomo, ｢I don't remember seeing a gun safe when
we cleaned the apartment.｣
        ｢Yeah, I've been meaning to get one of those.｣
        Yomi put her hand over her forehead. ｢I knew it.｣
        The three of them marched up to the Chief's office.  Julie
opened the door to the office, introducing them, "Miss Takino, Miss
McCormick, and Mizuhara-oba-san to see you."
        Yomi glared back at Julie, who offered only a mischievous smile.
        ｢Hahaha, you're getting older Yomi,｣ Tomo teased.
        ｢You're the same age as me, idiot!｣
        Chief Aramaki cleared his throat in order to get everyone's
attention.  He had it momentarily, and began, "Tomorrow we will issue a
Red Notice for the arrest of Julian Assange, and recommending his
extradition to the Kingdom of Sweden.  He stands charged with rape,
unlawful coercion, and sexual misconduct."
        "How awful!" Tomo interjected.
        "However, because of the suspect's connections to the online
community and hacker culture, the Cyber Crime Division has taken his
case file."  He paused for a moment, then continued, "I know that this
is sudden, but I am assigning you, Miss Mizuhara and Miss Takino to
oversee this investigation, and assist local police in his arrest.
Considering that Officers Sharif and Chen are out on assignment, you
make the best team for this assignment."
        America protested, "But sir, will you assign me to work with
Tomo as well?  I'm sure I'd be valuable while she's training."
        "I'm afraid not, Officer McCormick.  Because the issue of
WikiLeaks is being aggressively pursued by the United States, we must
appear to be neutral on these matters."
        "Sir, I swear that I will remain neutral and objective on this
matter."
        "I believe you would, but I cannot act solely on my personal
feelings.  This investigation has to have the -appearance- of neutrality
to the rest of the world -- even if the politics that have gotten us
involved these charges are not so neutral."
        "That's okay, we can handle it, right Yomi?" Tomo said
cheerfully.  "We'll have him captured in no time at all."
        "You do realize that I've been on the job for less than a day,
right?" Yomi said, as a matter of fact.
        The Chief responded, "Well, there is no time like the present to
test your abilities.  You're a smart woman, and I believe in you.  Just
trust your instincts and your partner."
        "Understood," Yomi replied, not truly reassured.
        "I need you to be aware of the fact that Assange has in his
possession classified intelligence of the United States.  If the
information were to be made public, it could destabilize governments
around the world, or at the least put America's spies and informants in
danger.  There are many governments who would not look kindly on
American collaborators.  So please try to prevent this information from
becoming public, within the extent of your authority."
        ｢No pressure there,｣ Yomi mumbled sarcastically.
        ｢Oh, and Mizuhara-kun.｣
        ｢Yes.｣
        ｢Try not to antagonize my secretary.  I'd hate to lose her.
She's very good at her job, and a fast learner.｣
        ｢Yeah, I noticed,｣ Yomi replied sheepishly.
        Tomo chimed in, ｢So all we gotta do is get the bad guy and save
the world.  All right!｣  She started to head out of the office towards
her desk.
        The Chief sent them off with, ｢Everyone, dismissed.｣
        America stood up from her seat in the corner of the room, and
said, "Wait, what are you all talking about?  I don't speak Japanese."
        Yomi said, "Saving the world, of course," just before she strode
out the door behind Tomo.

                    University of California, Davis
                    2:10 PM (11:10 PM CET in Lyon)

        A girl looked away from her computer screen, and towards the
wall in a tiny office on the second floor of Kemper Hall. The bright
fluorescent lights washed the pale walls in a harsh light and reflected
off the linoleum floor, which was an odd mixture of mostly white tiles
with scattered red and green squares.
        The redhead's twin pigtails moved in unison as she turned back
to the screen.  <I guess I can take a break while the code is
compiling,> she thought.  The twenty-year-old girl pulled up a browser,
and checked her email.  Finding nothing of interest, she decided to
check in with her undergraduate buddies in their white hat group, the
Data Angels.
  /join #dataangels
  There are 3 lusers in the channel: Mariposa, Wasp, ZeldaHime.
        Mariposa stopped to think, <Who the heck is Wasp?  It couldn't
be that person, right?>  Wasp was a mysterious black hat who career on
the net who had become something of a legend in the hacker community.
She was probably female and probably European based on her attitudes and
waking hours, but those were simply guesses, as she was very good at
covering her tracks.  All that they knew for certain is that she must be
rich enough have a whole bag of gold, given the way that she
commissioned cracking and infiltration jobs.

  Wasp: I knew that you'd show up eventually, Mariposa.
  Mariposa: Are you really Wasp?  Why did you come here?
  Wasp: I have some information for you to give to your friends.
  Wasp: Assange is working from 212.58.246.93
  Wasp: I'm sure you know what to do with this.
  Mariposa: I don't understand--why do you want to help the police?
  Mariposa: From everything I've heard, you want information to be free,
right?
  -Wasp thinks that pigs like Assange should be punished.-
  Wasp: The information will be public, whether or not a rapist like him
goes free.

        A thought came across Mariposa's mind: <She's here, on -my-
server, in -my- private channel.>  She went back to her console, killed
her compilation job, and began to trace Wasp's location in earnest.  She
had to keep her online, so she sent a quick response into the IRC
channel:

  Mariposa: But, how did you find out who I was?
  Wasp: It's not so hard.  There is a lot of information on you from
your university, and your code style is distinctive.
  Wasp: Take care of the information for me.  Signing off before you try
to trace me.
  -Wasp has left the channel-
  Mariposa: ZeldaHime, are you here?

        No response from her friend.  ｢Darn it!｣  She traced Wasp as
well as she could, hoping that all of her proxy connections hadn't yet
closed.  In less than a minute, she had traced the route to a server
somewhere in the Seychelles islands, when someone in realspace
interrupted.
        A voice from behind her said, "Uh, excuse me?"  But she kept
typing furiously into her terminal, hoping in vain that she might find
something before her adversary's trail evaporated from the net
completely.  After about a minute, the young man, an undergrad only a
year younger than her, ventured again, "Um, I'm looking for Professor
Mihama.  Do you know when she'll be in?"
        "Ah!" she said, turning to face him.  "I'm so sorry!  Please
forgive me for ignoring you!"  Though her voice had deepened into a warm
mezzo soprano, she still spoke with all of the cheerful earnestness of
her younger days.  "Can I help you?"
        The student was taken aback by the cuteness of the young woman
smiling at him, and stammered out, "Uh, I'm looking for Professor
Mihama, for, um, to talk about a prerequisite."
        "That's me!  I'm Dr. Chiyo Mihama."  Chiyo stood up, tilted her
head, and gave him an even bigger smile.
        "Hi, oh, sorry, I didn't expect..."  He didn't expect the
professor to be the same age as an undergraduate, very cheerful, and
really cute to boot.  He certainly didn't expect a computer science
professor with a Japanese name to have orangish pigtails and an American
bustline.  Or the short skirt and long black stockings, for that matter.
He gathered his thoughts, and said, "Professor, I was wondering if I
could take 153 at the same time as 152A next quarter?  I know it's a
prerequisite, but I'd like to take the class sooner."
        "Sure, that will probably be okay, if you read ahead a little
bit.  It might be a little more difficult, but if you think you can
handle it, please go ahead.  Just ask me after class if you need help."
        "Okay.  Thanks, Professor!  I guess I'll see you next quarter."
He nodded, smiled, and walked out.  If the teacher was that cute, he
decided that he would take the class if he was ready or not.  As he
walked down the shiny red stairs leading to the CSIF labs, he muttered
to himself, "Next time, introduce yourself, idiot."
        Chiyo went back to her computer.  She poked around the last
server she from her network trace, and found a file named 'ちよ.txt'.  All
it said was:
                Nice job getting this far. -W
        <She's good,> Chiyo thought, sighing audibly.  As she started
composing an email to her high school friend, Tomo-chan, she noticed
some activity in the Data Angels' IRC channel.

  ZeldaHime: Okay, I'm back from lunch.  What's up, Mariposa?
  -ZeldaHime scrolls up-
  ZeldaHime: O.O
  ZeldaHime: Dammit.
  ZeldaHime: looks like I missed the fun

                        Interpol Headquarters, Lyon
                      Tuesday, November 30, 10:02 AM

        Tomo Takino leaned forward to replace the receiver on her office
phone as her partner walked up to her desk.
        ｢Assange had some media appearances, but nothing in the last
couple of weeks,｣ Koyomi reported back to Tomo.
        Tomo stood, placed her hands on her sides, and declared, ｢I've
finished checking with the immigration and customs authorities.  He left
Sweden for England about a month ago, and hasn't left since.  'Lucky!'｣
        ｢Do they know where he is?｣
        ｢No,｣ she said cheerfully.
        ｢How is that lucky, Tomo-chan?  He could be anywhere in the UK
or Ireland.｣
        ｢Well, that's only like two islands, right?｣  Tomo held out two
fingers for emphasis.
        Exasperation creeping into her voice, Yomi said, ｢That's like
saying 『you search Hokkaidou and I'll search Honshuu.』｣
        ｢Why am I the one who has to go all the way up to Hokkaidou?｣
        ｢Idiot.  Anyway, maybe Scotland Yard can help us out.｣
        ｢Roger!  I'll go ask Julie-chan to arrange a trip to England,｣
Tomo said, briskly walking from her desk.
        Left standing alone, an irked Yomi noted, ｢But... I just arrived
in France.｣

                                9:30 PM
                        Under the English Channel

        Yomi stared out of her train's windows, into the blackness of
the Channel Tunnel which was only interrupted by the occasional
maintenance light outside.  Not that she expected to see much of
anything in an artificial cavern 100 meters below the waves.  Still, she
had been riding the TGV trains for hours, and, bored as she was, she
started contemplating her surroundings.
        Tomo had been wandering about the car, unable to find something
to use up excess energy.  As Tomo sat back down in her seat, next to
her, Yomi said, ｢The Chunnel is amazing.  I'm still amazed that human
beings can build such things.｣
        ｢I know.  It is amazing.  Especially with all of the problems
they had building it,｣ Tomo said ominously.
        ｢What problems?｣ Yomi asked tenuously.
        ｢Oh, well, when they built the first tunnel, they thought that
they'd take a shortcut by digging a little bit closer to the ocean.  But
what they didn't know is that something was waiting on the ocean floor.
Something that had been there, undisturbed for millions of years.｣ Yomi
swallowed hard in anticipation.  Tomo continued, ｢And just when the
workers got too close... they were surrounded by giant bugs!｣
        ｢Gyaa!｣
        ｢Creatures with ten arms, and this big--｣ she held her hands in
front of her, about 30 centimeters apart ｢-- poured through the tunnel
and started attacking the tunnelers with their enormous claws!｣  She
shaped her hands into claws and started snapping at the air towards
Yomi.
        ｢That isn't true,｣ Yomi reassured herself, but her legs had
moved up into her lap and her arms crossed over her chest.
        ｢Yeah, they sealed off that tunnel.  But sometimes, you can hear
the claws clacking against the concrete.  Click.  Clack.  Crawling
everywhere..｣
        ｢Yaaa, stop it Tomo.｣  Yomi was at this point genuinely
terrified, even though she logically knew that she shouldn't be.
Something about bugs could always get to her, and the clicking of the
railcar against the tracks didn't help.
        ｢Sorry, just trying to have a little fun,｣ Tomo said while
scratching her head nervously.  ｢It's a long train trip.｣
        They pair in silence for a couple of minutes, until Yomi's tense
posture suddenly relaxed.  ｢Wait a second.  So big, claws, live on the
ocean bottom?  Didn't you just describe crabs?｣
        Tomo looked up, as if calculating the crab coefficient in her
head. ｢Oh, huh, yeah, I guess you're right.｣
        ｢Dammit, now I'm hungry for crab.｣


                     10:39 PM GMT (11:39 PM CEST)

        Tomo and Yomi walked out of the St. Pancras Station in London,
looking back to admire the brickwork and high arches of the its Gothic
Revival clocktower.  Tomo walked to the curb and furiously waved her
arms above her head, and very soon, they were in a taxi en route to
their hotel.  It made Yomi vaguely more comfortable to be in a country
where people knew to drive on the left-hand side of the road.
        After a short trip through the waning city traffic, the taxi
pulled up to a modern-looking hotel, much the same as any other chain
hotel.  It stood six stories tall, its edifice crammed between narrow
city streets.  The pair of Interpol agents grabbed their luggage,
continuing their conversation from the car.
        As they opened the door to step inside, Tomo's voice echoed
across the blue tile floor of the hotel lobby.  ｢Hey!  I've been cleared
of misconduct by every single review board.｣
        ｢Every?｣ Yomi asked derisively.  ｢How many of these review
boards have been called on your account?｣
        Tomo started to count on her fingers, but by the time she ran
out of space to enumerate on her second hand, she thought better of
continuing -- she hefted her luggage behind her and dashed ahead to the
hotel counter.
        "Room for Tomo Takino and Koyomi Mizuhara, please?  We should
have a reservation."
        The Indian woman at the desk typed a few keys, and handed them
two keycards to room 210.  They wheeled their luggage onto the elevator
for a short hop up a single floor, and made their way into the room.  It
was small, with a simple wooden table and two chairs, which sat in front
of an air conditioner.  Above it was a large window that gave a partial
view of the London skyline, somewhat blocked by the trees.
        The feature of the room that most captured Yomi's attention was
right in the middle: a lone double-sized bed, nicely made up with a mint
on the pillows.  ｢Why is there only one bed?｣ Yomi wondered aloud,
irked.
        Tomo took a small jump and fell backwards onto the bed. ｢Dunno.
Maybe you need to apologize to Julie-chan?｣  She unwrapped the mint and
crammed it into her mouth.
        ｢Just because that troublesome secretary can't accept her age?｣
Yomi paused, and continued after some reflection, ｢Well, I guess it
can't be helped if it makes life easier.｣
        Tomo crunched her candy, and slurred out, ｢Ah don't min' either
way.｣
        ｢No way!  You squirm around too much in your sleep.  But, I'm
too tired to get it fixed now.  I guess I'll share with you for
tonight.｣
        ｢Say, you're going to be as old as her in a few short years,
too, Yomi-chan.｣
        Yomi pointed her index finger down and declared, ｢If you want to
sleep on the ground, that can be arranged!｣
        Yomi and Tomo each got their baths in turn; within a half-hour,
they were both nestled in their shared bed.  They started off facing
apart, but within five minutes Tomo rolled around to face her partner.
She looked at Yomi in her pyjamas, a pattern of a little chicks with the
phrase "PIYO PIYO" written above each one.  Tomo reached out her hand,
as if to touch Yomi's hair, but was interrupted by Yomi's voice, ｢Stop
squirming, you.｣  Tomo's hand retracted and her smile faded -- five
minutes later, her consciousness faded, too.

                     Wednesday, November 1, 2010

        Tomo spread the curtains, and a flood of light entered the room.
"Good morning, Yomi-chan," she said cheerily.
        Yomi reflexively put her hand over her eyes to block the light.
She muttered, ｢Is it morning already?｣  Her other hand migrated up to
massage her stiff neck, a consequence of sleeping a little too close to
Tomo.
        ｢Yep.  I just finished showering, and I left some hot water for
you.｣  Tomo began to button her shirt.
        Yomi shambled towards the showers, hoping it would wake her up a
little -- and hoping even harder that she would get used to all of these
time changes eventually.  It did in fact wake her up, and she quickly
got herself dressed and ready to go.
        Tomo pleaded, ｢Can we go yet?  I'm hungry.｣
        Yomi looked at the time.  The clock read 8:15, so she calculated
that it would be 9:15 on the continent. ｢Sure -- but first, we have
something very important to do.｣  The pair made up a quick plan of
action for Yomi's proposal, with Tomo offering the critical suggestion
that would ensure its success.  As hard as it would be for Yomi, there
would be no room for error this time.  Tentatively, she detached the
cellphone from its charger, and found a number in her contacts.
        ｢You can do it, Yomi!｣
        She touched the dial button. "Hi, this is Mizuhara.  We only had
one bed last night, and there are two of us."
        The woman's voice on the other side of the line teased, "Oh, did
you have a problem?"
        Tomo leaned towards Yomi and whispered, ｢Say it.｣
        "Could you please help us find more appropriate accommodations?"
Yomi paused, then got up her courage, "Julie-chan."
         The secretary immediately became cheerful.  In her heavy French
accent, Julie Lafayette said, "Sure, I will take care of getting you a
better room right away, Yomi-chan!"
        "Get us the Honeymoon Suite!" Tomo yelled into the phone.
        "Two beds will be fine," Yomi firmly declared, followed by
thanking Julie and ending the call.  She slipped the phone into a pocket
and picked up her briefcase.  On her way out the door, she said, ｢So
I've become an enabler to her delusions.｣
        They ambled down the stairs; at the end, Yomi turned left when
Tomo turned right.  Yomi said, ｢The hotel breakfast is this way.｣
        ｢No way.  Eat too much of that stuff, and you'll die before you
reach the age of thirty.  I've seen it happen.｣
        ｢Seen it?｣
        Tomo grabbed her partner by the arm and dragged her through the
hotel's front doors.  ｢Come on, the best food is always at the little
local restaurants.｣  Yomi could hardly argue with that.
        Tomo led the way down the block, cheerfully strutting forward in
no particular direction.  Her long, khaki trenchcoat kept the morning
chill at bay.  Yomi's figure, dressed in a royal blue sweater, long navy
blue skirt, and dark woolen thighhighs, followed close behind.
        The duo walked a couple of blocks, and found a small café that
looked suitably warm, and took a table inside.  Not feeling up to a full
English breakfast, they placed their orders for eggs with toast and jam,
with some tea.
        ｢I don't understand.  How were you up so early today when I
couldn't drag you out of bed a couple of days ago?｣
        ｢Isn't it obvious?  We have a case!  And besides, you let me
stay up all night reading comics.｣
        ｢Let you?  You're a grown woman...｣ Yomi began, but she decided
her words were incongruous with the image in front of her: Tomo had torn
open two packets of sugar from the table, and was dumping the contents
into her mouth simultaneously.  Yomi's gaze narrowed, and she continued,
｢Never mind.  Curfew for you.｣
        ｢Mnnn?｣ Tomo intoned with wide eyes and puckered lips.
        Yomi's train of thought was interrupted by muted strains of
synthesized music coming from her purse.  She fished out her cellular
phone, and answered, "Hello?"  After a pause, Yomi continued "Woah,
already?".
        Tomo leaned across the table, left ear forward, in an attempt to
hear the conversation, but she was quickly swatted down by Yomi's free
hand.
        «Merci beaucoup, Julie-chan.»  Yomi ended the call, and reported
back to Tomo, ｢We can return to the hotel after we eat, and get a new
room with two beds.｣  She added, sotto voce, ｢I guess I can humor that
Lafayette woman if she's this useful.｣
        Tomo laughed.

                                9:45 AM
      /♪ Kurihara Masaki  "Shin Gakki 2" _Azumanga Daioh OST 1_ ♪/

        Interpol Officers Tomo Takino and Koyomi Mizuhara emerged from
the St. James' Park tube station.  Yomi's long brown hair glided in the
wind as she crossed the street, pulling along her shorter companion, who
was staring up at the large building in front of them.  The massive
edifice of twenty stories of mirrored glass reflected the blue sky and
puffy cumulus clouds above.
        The pair strolled past to the three-sided rotating sign lettered
"NEW SCOTLAND YARD", when Tomo suddenly pulled Yomi back, and started
rifling through her pockets.  Yomi grew briefly impatient, but Tomo
quickly pulled out a small digital camera from her trenchcoat.  She put
her left arm forward with the camera to frame the two of them in front
of the sign, while her right arm wrapped around Yomi and terminated in a
V-sign.  Yomi's warm smile was matched by Tomo's toothy grin.  The
moment passed, and the two entered the building which housed the
Metropolitan Police Service.
        
        Detective Inspector Michelle Hayward was sitting at her desk,
intently playing Minesweeper at her computer.  She was bored, because
not many cases had come the petite redhead's way in the last couple of
weeks -- and even those turned out to be simple affairs where the
criminals quickly accepted plea bargains.  A misclick was met with a
tiny explosion on screen and a sad face with exed-out eyes; she sighed
audibly and hoped that something would happen to break the monotony.
There was, in fact, plenty of crime being investigated in Greater London
at that time by the Metropolitan Police -- just not much in her area of
expertise, electronic crime.  <Just -a little- crime would be nice,> she
thought.
        Almost on cue, her boss stepped up to her desk and declared,
"Hayward, I've got a job for you."
        "Oh good."  She turned around to face her superior,
Superintendent George Mason. "I've been getting a bit bored around here.
But please tell me it's not another paedophile that we found on the net.
I've had enough of those to last a lifetime."
        The Superintendent, an overweight man in his fifties mumbled,
"Haven't we all," before returning to the matter at hand.  "Actually,
I've got something quite a bit more interesting for you.  See those two
women in my office?"
        D.I. Hayward peered through the glass across the room, and saw
two Asian-looking women having a discussion.  "Are you trying to find me
a partner who's shorter than I am?"
        "They're actually detectives for Interpol.  They've been
dispatched here to make an arrest on a Swedish charge of sexual
misconduct.  The fact that she's shorter than you is just icing on the
cake."
        "Wait, what does sexual misconduct in Sweden have to do with the
Technology and Internet Crime Division?"  Her question was met with a
knowing stare, so she thought for a moment before she remembered
something she read in the newspaper. "Oh, wait, you mean -him-?  Julian
Assange?"
        "Correct.  I knew there was a reason we keep you around."
        Michelle noticed the taller one with brownish hair giving the
shorter one with black hair a karate chop to the head.  The shorter one
acted as if she was surprised, but it seemed somewhat rehearsed, almost
as if it were a comedy bit.  She said, "They certainly are a lively
bunch," as she adjusted her internal stereotype of what she thought
Japanese people were like.
        "That's the other reason I chose you.  You should have seen the
two of them in Assistant Commissioner Yates' office."  He chuckled,
recalling a meeting just a few minutes before with the police
administrator.  "Ready to meet them?"
        "Lead the way."
        D.I. Hayward followed Superintendent Mason into his office, and
said, "Detectives, I'd like you to meet Detective Inspector Michelle
Hayward.  She'll be serving as your liaison to the Metropolitan Police
for this case."
        The taller girl with the glasses said politely, "I am Koyomi
Mizuhara.  Pleased to meet you," which was followed with a short but
respectful bow.
        On the other hand, the shorter girl with the flip haircut seized
her hand and shook it vigourously.  "Pleased to meetcha, Hayward of The
Yard."  She released her grip on Michelle's hand to identify herself by
pointing with her thumb, declaring, "I'm Tomo Takino!"
        "A pleasure to meet your acquaintance," Hayward said, smiling.
She couldn't help but smile at these two strange Interpol detectives.
        Mason explained, "Here's the situation, ladies.  While we don't
know Assange's location, immigration and customs records suggest that he
is still present somewhere in the U.K.  There is no current warrant for
an arrest in this country, but I'll let you know when that makes it
through the Court.  Until then, we will act in an advisorial capacity,
helping Interpol to gather information on this case.  And if you find
him, Interpol will turn over the suspect to local authorities.  Is that
clear?"
        He was met with a chorus of yesses and nods; Yomi, in
particular, saluted him.  It was certainly not in Yomi's nature to stand
on ceremony, but being in the legal profession had taught her the
importance of protocol.
        It must have struck Tomo as odd, because she commented, "He's
not boss, you know, Yomi."
        "I was being respectful."
        The Superintendent interjected, "I may not be your boss, but you
had better do this by the book, or you'll wish I was only your boss."
        Michelle wondered what that warning was even supposed to mean,
but it looked like it had its desired effect on the women anyway.
        He declared, "All right, get to work everybody.  Dismissed!"
        As Michelle led the pair back to her small office, Yomi asked
her, "So, do you have any ideas?"
        She pulled out the chair at her desk and said, "First we ought
to send a notice to the Border Agency, so we'll know if he know if he
tries to leave the country.  After that, why don't we head down to the
CCTV department.  Maybe they'll be able to find him."

                                11:46 AM

        Tomo Takino stood in a darkened room, lit only by a bank of
black-and-white monitors.  They cast a harsh light that only illuminated
the left side of her face, the rest cast in shadow.  She held out a
photo and declared, "I want you to find this man, Julian Assange!"
        One of the constables in the CCTV monitoring room took the photo
and said, "Sure.  We'll be happy to keep an eye out for him."
        "Can you show me where he is now, by inputting his face data?"
        "In theory, yes.  But we'd get hundreds of false positives, and
that wouldn't guarantee you'd find the real guy at all."
        "But, don't those casinos have a way of tracking all of the
gamblers and stuff?"
        "Uh, we're not a TV show, ma'am."  The look on the constable's
face wordlessly said, "Not another one."
        Tomo looked disappointed.  "Geez, and I thought all of your
millions of cameras were cool."  This drew some chuckles from the rest
of the room.
        Yomi stepped out of the shadows and poked Tomo.
        "I mean, thank you for all of your hard work!" Tomo said.
        Yomi and Tomo stepped out into the corridor, squinting to
readjust their eyes to the midday light.  Tomo queried, "Did the Border
Agency have anything?"
        Yomi replied, "No, nothing yet.  Looks like this is going to be
a long case."

                Thursday, November 2, 2010, 9:15 AM

        Superintendent Mason crept into Detective Inspector Hayward's
office, unnoticed by the woman bending over to pick a paper she dropped
onto the gray industrial carpet.  The large but surprisingly stealthy
man leaned over her head and queried, "How is it going with your case?"
        Startled, D.I. Hayward gasped out, "God!  You have to quit doing
that.  And stop laughing!"  She stared at him with piercing blue eyes
until his chuckles ceased, then answered his question, "It's all been
fruitless so far.  All of the proper agencies had been notified, of
course.  But we haven't seen much activity online, even in the local
hacker groups."
        "I'm not surprised.  How about the other detectives?  Any
jurisdictional issues?"
        "Actually, they've been a lot of fun.  Not what I would have
expected at all.  Takino is enthusiastic about everything, and Yomi --
Detective Mizuhara is studying English law to 'help keep that idiot out
of trouble'," she growled in her best Yomi impression.  "I guess she
used to be a barrister in her Japan; this actually is her first case
with Interpol."  At that time, she heard a chatter in a foreign language
beginning to make it its way down the hallway of the Metropolitan Police
building.  Michelle added, "But they -are- noisy."
        The moving ruckus made it to the door of Michelle's unspacious
office, and the topics of discussion entered the room.  Yomi asked, "Ah,
Superintendent.  Did we learn something?"
        George Mason responded, "Sorry, detectives, nothing yet.  I've
just been checking in, and it sounds like you have things under
control."  He then stared at Yomi in a peculiar manner, which started to
make Yomi feel uncomfortable.  After a moment, he finally broke his
silence, stating, "Nope.  Still can't see her in a wig."
         The tiny redhead behind the desk broke down in laughter at the
mental image of Yomi in a curly white barrister's wig, while her boss
made his exit from the room.  Yomi and Tomo simply stared at each other
with a blank expression, unsure of what cultural in-joke they had
missed.
        Once the laughter subsided, Tomo declared, "New plan, everyone!
Suspect profiling!  We get inside his head to find where he would hide."
        "How does that work?" D.I. Hayward asked, wondering how criminal
profiling worked at Interpol.
        "Here, I brought my laptop today.  Hayward of The Yard, can you
connect me to the WiFi of The Yard?"
        "Uh, sure."  Michelle got up and walked the couple of steps to
the table she had set up as a temporary desk for the two INTERPOL
officers.  She tapped a few keys on Tomo's computer, and finished by
saying, "That should do it."
        "Ah!  We got signal-of-The-Yard!"
        Yomi complained, "Stop saying that."
        "Okay, here's the plan.  We research everything online about him
that we can find.  Look in particular for friends or contacts in the
U.K.  Think about what conditions he would live in, and about any vices
that could lead us to him," Tomo explained.  "Together, we will defeat
this enemy, and victory will be ours!"
        "And just when she was starting to make sense..." Yomi whispered
to Michelle.
        The problem with their quarry was that Mr Assange was not
someone who was afraid of the limelight.  In fact, his character
remained elusive by the fact that -too much information- exists about
him -- and not all of it true.  The trio spent the next several hours
looking at websites, trying to glean the important facts from the
trivial and false details.
        Around the time she started getting hungry for lunch, Yomi
stated, "I still can't believe that you watch YouTube all day and still
call it work, Tomo."  She glanced away from her own computer screen, and
laid eyes on Tomo's.  Yomi's forehead furrowed, and she barked, "Hey!
Those are kittens!"
        "Uh, yeah...  I'm doing research for Sakaki-san?"
        "Oh no you're not.  Here, watch this video with me."  The video
started, but Yomi asked, "So, what kind of suspect profile do you have?"
        "Well, look at him.  He's young, but he has white hair, so he's
obviously the villain."
        Yomi slapped the palm of her hand to her forehead, and muttered,
"Anime-based profiling?"
        "Exactly!  He has a tendency to talk about how right his cause
is, even if people get hurt.  I bet when we find him, we can get him to
monologue and then capture him."
        ｢Oh brother,｣ Yomi exclaimed.  "I don't understand the
psychology of how he could become a rapist though.  He's actually good
looking.  And unlike most rapists who seek control, he has an outlet for
his desire to control the direction of the world.  Don't you think that
this whole crime could be trumped-up political charges?"
        "No, he's clearly the villain.  Leave the sexual speculation to
someone who's actually had a boyfriend, Yomi."
        With ire, Yomi said, ｢Why you!｣  She proceeded to hook Tomo's
cheeks with her thumbs and stretch them out.
        Tomo gave a garbled "Wuaaaaa," as she flailed around in her
chair.
        Michelle couldn't help but laugh at this point.  She asked, "How
long have you two known each other, exactly?"
        Yomi retracted her fingers and said flatly, "That one has been
stalking me since grade school."
        "Cold, Yomi," Tomo murmured, "Cold."
        "Oh, I see.  You're like sisters."  Tomo stuck out her tongue
while Yomi gave a non-committal shrug.  "Either way, I think in cases
like this, we must trust the courts.  It's our job to stop the criminals
as best as we can, and leave the question of guilt up to the courts."
        Yomi considered this, and frowned.  "But what if we can't trust
the courts in this case?  What if it's like Julian Assange says -- an
attempt to quash his freedom of the press?"
        "Well," Michelle Hayward said, "if you can't trust the courts,
you need to need to find a new line of work.  We don't have the luxury
of time in police-work -- we must try our best to stop criminals, and
hope that everything works out in the end."
        Tomo added, "She's right.  Just imagine if the names of all of
those American spies leak out to their enemies.  Can you imagine how
many people will die?"
        "But what if we're wrong?"
        "You're not the lawyer for this case, Yomi-chan.  You have to
have faith."
        "I guess so," Yomi said resignedly.  She thought to herself,
<Maybe I'll only have to make it through this -one- case.>
        While she considered, the only sound in the room was tinny
laptop speakers, still playing an interview wherein Assange noted
ironically, "We've had Pentagon reports written about WikiLeaks, which
we leaked..."
        Tomo broke the tension, noting, "Besides, the interviewer is
really the handsome one here."
        "Who, that Stephen Colbert guy?  He sounds like an idiot."
        "I think the glasses make him look cute."
        "What kind of idiot blurs his own face for an interview?"
        "You're just jealous because I called him first."
        "That doesn't even make sense!"
        Detective Inspector Hayward just smiled at the bickering pair.
<No, not what I expected at all.  Maybe I'll call my sister tonight.>
        
                                12:45 PM

        Koyomi Mizuhara and Tomo Takino strolled out of a small sushi
restaurant, and back across the street to the New Scotland Yard
building.  Tomo commented, ｢Hey, that place was pretty tasty.｣
        ｢It was okay, I guess.  You've just been away from home for too
long.｣
        ｢You're such a gourmet, Yomi.｣
        ｢Hey, have you heard anything from the Interpol office yet?
Maybe they already caught him.｣
        ｢I guess I should check my email.  Wow, it's cold today.｣  Tomo
looked up at the gray sky.
        Yomi wrapped her scarf, which had just blown loose in the wind,
around her neck again.  ｢It sure is.  It's supposed to rain tonight.｣
        The pair made it back into the warmth of the Metropolitan Police
building, and took the short ascent up the elevator to the Technology
and Internet Crime Division.  They wandered into D.I. Hayward's vacant
office, and got back to business.
        As soon as she sat down at the computer, Tomo pulled up her
email.  ｢Nothing from Interpol except new Red Notices...  Awesome!
Chiyo-chan sent an email!｣
        ｢How is she doing?｣
        "Ah!  A clue, a clue!"
        ｢What are you talking about now?｣
        ｢Chiyo says that Assange is operating from this IP address in
London, and that her friend asked her to tell us.｣
        ｢Good job, Chiyo-chan!  She always comes through for us!｣ Yomi
praised.  Then she glanced up at the email headers.  ｢Hey, she sent this
before we even left France?  How long since you last checked your email,
Tomo?｣
        ｢Uh, I guess I forgot.｣
        ｢So we've been wasting all of this time because you forgot to
check your email?｣ said Yomi, enraged.
        ｢Hey, we built a suspect profile, and saw some very cute cat
vid--｣
        Michelle projected her voice over the argument, saying, "What's
new, detectives?"
        Neither of them were exactly sure how long she had been back,
but Tomo unabashedly said, "We have a new clue as to where Assange is!"
        "We have an -old- clue, by the time she finally checked her
email," Yomi complained, placing her hand on her hips.
        Michelle leaned over and looked at the email, her eyes squinting
at the sight of kanji.  "I can't read a word of that email, but I'm
pretty sure that this IP address is in one of BT's blocks.  Want me to
give them a call, and ask to whom it belongs?"
        "Yes please," Tomo begged.
        D.I. Hayward reached across her desk to grab the phone, and
placed a call to British Telecom.  She rattled off the IP address from
Tomo's computer screen, and asked for a trace.
        As soon as she hung up the phone, Yomi asked, "So where is he?"
        Michelle reported, "Sadly, these things don't happen as fast as
one would expect.  Since we need to know to whom the IP was assigned for
the past week, it will take them a while to put together their records."
        "Only one thing to do now," Tomo sat down at her computer and
announced, "Initiate Operation Lolcat!"  A YouTube video of a calico cat
soon filled the screen.
        "If you don't have anything better to do, you should write
Chiyo-chan a thank-you letter," Yomi said.  "Without her, we'd have no
clues."
        She turned her face back to face Yomi, just missing footage of a
kitten adorably falling into a cowboy hat.  "Oh, I guess you're right."
        But as it turned out, Tomo had plenty of time to watch the
exploits of cats on her computer.  Unsurprisingly, the techs at BT did
not call back as promised.  As the afternoon dragged on, the three
eventually decided to reconvene in the morning.  Tomo and Yomi wandered
off and found a small but excellent curry place, and then retreated back
to their hotel room.
        Now lodged on the sixth floor of the hotel, the pair had a
decent view from the south side of the River Thames.  The room, of
course, looked nearly identical to the previous one -- same blue carpet,
same rose-patterned wallpaper -- except for the second bed, of course.
Yomi was laid back on the bed, her knees bent upwards, intent on the
book she held in her right hand.
        Tomo perched on the air conditioning unit by the window, and
took in the night skyline.  She surveyed the city lights, looking at Big
Ben and the Houses of Parliament, scanning past the London Eye Ferris
wheel.  Her eyes finally settled on The Tower of London and the Tower
Bridge, as she thought to herself, <You're out there somewhere, Assange.
And tomorrow, I'm going to find you.>  She cried out, ｢Yosh!｣, raising
her fist into the air; this was just enough to unbalance her from her
position on the air conditioner.  She did a quick, graceless tumble to
the ground, rolling a couple of times on the blue carpet before coming
to a stop against the side of Yomi's bed.
        ｢What the...?｣ cried Yomi.
        Tomo hopped to her feet.  ｢Sorry.  Since we were in London, I
thought I'd get in some gymnastics practice for the London Olympics!｣
        ｢Leave the Olympic sports to Kagura-san, you.｣  Yomi reached up
just long enough to lightly bop Tomo's head with the spine of her book,
then relaxed back down to her reading position.
        ｢Just you see.  I'll beat her yet!｣
        ｢Dummy.｣

                     Friday, December 3, 2010

        ｢Well, we're late again,｣ Yomi complained as she and Tomo exited
the tube station.
        ｢That's okay, it's not like Chief Aramaki is here to make us
hold buckets of water in the hall, again.｣
        ｢Did he actually do that?｣ Yomi asked skeptically.
        Tomo answered rhetorically, ｢Would I make something like that
up?｣
        ｢Yes.  Yes you would.｣
        Tomo looked up to a random point in the Scotland Yard building,
and shouted, ｢Hurry, hurry, I think I see Superintendent Mason with a
bucket!｣  The morning sun peeked through a bank of gray clouds,
reflecting off Tomo's windswept hair as she ran towards the entrance to
the police headquarters.
        Yomi adjusted her glasses, and started a brisk walk after Tomo.
｢She wants to hurry -now-?｣  They rushed inside, eager to get out of the
chill wind.
        As the door to the elevator-of-the-Yard opened (which is what
Tomo called it, anyway), they were unsurprisingly not met by George
Mason with a pair of buckets, but instead by Michelle Hayward, flipping
through a file as she walked through the hall.  She looked up as he
heard the light chime of the elevator door, and noticed her temporary
colleagues.  "Oh, there you two are, I was about to call you.  We have a
physical address for the IP address, over in Camden."  The petite
redhead hooked the two Japanese women by the arms, and pulled them back
into the elevator.  "C'mon, let's go check it out."

        Michelle stepped out of her forest green sedan, promptly
followed by Tomo and Yomi.  "There it is, Café Lorraine," she said in an
obvious English accent.  Tomo thought it was an apt pronunciation,
because it looked like a weak imitation of the kind of cafés she
frequented in France -- it was too modern and posh, and lacked a certain
character.  The outdoor seating of the café was still stacked up under
the awning that whipped in time with the wind.
        "They have public Wi-Fi, most likely," Yomi noted.  "Well, I
wasn't expecting this to be easy."  A gust whipped her long hair in
front of her face; Yomi was having a much harder time with the wind than
her shorter-haired companions.
        "Do you think they'll be cooperative?" Tomo asked.
        "Well, the owner is 59 years old, no priors, and from the looks
of this place, probably votes Tory."
        "Not exactly the profile of an internet activist," Yomi
concluded.
        "I suppose there could be someone helping him, too.  It could be
a regular customer, or one of his employees.  We should probably scope
the place out, first," Michelle suggested.
        "Good idea.  Wait, where's Tomo?"  She pulled the hair from her
eyes, and caught a glimpse of Tomo just entering the café across the
street.  As they looked through the glass, they saw Tomo revealing her
Interpol badge to the waitress.
        "Well, there goes that idea," Michelle sounded resigned.  "Might
as well get out of this wind."
        As they closed the clear glass door behind them, Tomo reported,
"She says the boss is out picking up supplies, and he'll be back in a
few minutes."
        Yomi did a quick look around, and saw one businessman in a suit
typing in some stock trades, and another typing out a quick message on a
Blackberry phone.  <Nothing related to WikiLeaks,> she concluded, then
said aloud, "I guess we can wait."
        The trio sat down at a booth, and the waitress, a twenty-five
year old woman in a green apron, asked, "What can I get you?"
        "A latte, please," Michelle answered.
        Tomo requested, "Coffee, black as midnight on a moonless night."
        "Uh, okay," the waitress responded.  Her attention turned to
Yomi, who had her head craned to look at the baked goods in the glass
case up front.
        "That cherry pie looks good.  A slice of that, please.  And some
tea."
        The waitress left with their orders, and Michelle was left with
the distinct sense of déjà vu.  Yomi enjoyed the pie, but she judged it
not to be the best cherry pie she ever ate.  As the detective chatted,
eventually they all noticed a bald man coming out of the kitchen who
matched the picture in Michelle's file.
        Michelle stood up and confidently approached the tall, robust
man, despite the fact that she was positively dwarfed by his stature.
"Robert Poole?"  He nodded in the affirmative; she responded by flashing
her police badge.  "D.I. Michelle Hayward, Metropolitan Police.  Do you
have time to talk now?"
        The sixty-year old man replied, "Uh, sure.  What's this about,
then?"
        She led him back to the booth where she had been sitting, and
introduced her colleagues, "These are Inspector Mizuhara and Inspector
Takino from Interpol.  We have a few questions for you."
        Mr Poole had this quizzical look on his face, as if he really
had no idea exactly what he had done wrong.  He started considering the
times he had gotten really pissed on holiday in France.
        "Please sit down.  We're here to ask about your internet
connection here at the restaurant.  Who has access to it?"
        "Well, just about anyone who's a customer.  The password for the
connection is written here," he explained, reaching across Tomo to pull
a small menu card with some house specialties.  Sure enough, on the
bottom of the card was a WEP key to access the Internet.
        Yomi asked, "Have there been any regular customers here that use
the internet, perhaps every day?"
        He replied, "I can't think of anyone who comes that regularly.
We have a couple who meets here during their lunch breaks, but they seem
to have better things to do than use computers.  What's this about?  Did
someone do something illegal here?"
        Tomo piped up, "Not here, but elsewhere.  We're looking for this
man," holding up a photo.  "Have you seen him?"
        "Only on the news.  That's Julian Assange.  You think he was
here?"  The café owner sounded doubtful.
        "Well, we have information that he or one of his associates
could be operating from your WiFi, sir."
        Mr Poole's face, which had been pale, turned shades of ever
increasing red.  "I can't believe that jerk, coming in here, and using
my internet.  Our soldiers are getting killed by the Pakis, because that
idiot wants to publish the whole world's secrets.  I guess I had better
change the password."
        Hayward interrupted the rant, "I have a better idea.  Act like
nothing is wrong.  Let us observe your network, and see if we can catch
him."
        "Now that sounds like a great idea, and you're welcome to it."
        He led the three into the kitchen, and opened a small closet to
reveal the familiar blue-and-black design of a Linksys router, perched
on a shelf above bags of sugar.  Michelle quickly got to work, only
catching small bits of the conversation behind her: "-- they prefer
Pakistani -- I don't care what they prefer--".
        Focused on her task, Michelle adroitly connected her laptop to
one of the vacant Ethernet ports, and installed a custom firmware on the
router that would let her see the logged usage of the network.  In less
than five minutes, she closed the door to the closet.  "Okay, we're done
here.  Thanks for all of your help, sir."
        He replied, "Just doing my duty."
        "We'll be nearby, watching the network, but call 999 if you see
anything suspicious."
        "Will do."
        The three policewomen made their way out to the front of the
café.  Yomi asked, "Well, what now?"
        Tomo exulted, "Now, the stakeout begins!"
        "Not so loud," Michelle accused.  "You're not supposed to tell
them you're coming."
        "Oh yeah.  I always forget that part."
        Yomi just shrugged and walked away.

                                1:17 PM

        A dark blue luxury sedan pulled up against a curb to park in a
mostly commercial district of Camden Borough.  Tomo parked the car some
distance away from Café Lorraine, but within what she judged to be the
limits of its WiFi signal.
        Her passenger said, ｢You know, I always expected that you'd
drive like Yukari-sensei, but you're actually better.｣
        ｢Yeah, I'm a highly-trained driving expert, but I'm still trying
to capture her flair for the road.｣  Tomo looked up, admiration in her
eyes.
        ｢Is that supposed to make me feel better?｣
        ｢Don't worry!  Miyuki-senpai taught me everything she knows
about driving back at the precinct.｣
        A short redheaded woman crossed the road to meet up with the
pair.  As Tomo rolled down her window, Michelle offered, "Nice car."
        Yomi said, "I wouldn't let her rent the red convertible."
        "C'mon Yomi, that car was calling my name!"
        Michelle asked incredulously, "In this weather?"  The clouds
were beginning to part and the wind had somewhat abated, but not enough
to keep her from quickly jumping in the back seat of Tomo's rental car.
She asked, "Ready to start your shift?" and upon receiving a response in
the affirmative, she gave them the access to the web gateway where they
could monitor the Café's internet traffic.
        She left the Interpol agents with these instructions: "Okay,
give me a call if you see anything, and I'll get you back-up right away.
Otherwise, I'll relieve you around 6:30 or so."
        Yomi craned her neck around the car's dark leather seat to say,
"Thanks.  See you later."
        
        The day stretched on, but Tomo and Yomi were mostly stationary,
only reparking the car every so often to avoid being noticed.
Eventually, the warm tones of the late afternoon began to filter through
the clouds.
        ｢Sheesh, this is boring.  Why were you so excited about a
stakeout?｣
        ｢Who knows.  I must have forgotten --｣ Tomo yawned ｢-- how
boring it is.｣
        Yomi absently pulled up another URL logged by the café's router,
and let out a gasp.
        ｢What!  What is it!｣  Tomo got excited at the prospect of
something happening.
        Yomi, however, looked more irritated than excited, and pointed
at her screen.  ｢I can't believe that someone would look at -that- kind
of picture in public!｣
        Tomo looked over Yomi's hand, and examined the picture
carefully.  ｢Yeah, I know.  She's not even that cute.  Have some
self-respect.｣
        ｢If this is what people are looking at, I'm glad we can't read
their emails.｣
        ｢I think that would probably be even more boring.｣
        ｢Geez, I'm starting to get hungry.  I think I'll walk over to
that corner shop, and see if they have anything good.｣  Yomi exited the
car, and left Tomo alone on the stakeout for a good ten minutes.
        By the time she returned, a brilliant orange light had lit the
turbulent mackerel sky, suffusing the earth with a warm glow.  As Yomi
opened the car door, Tomo greeted her with anticipation, ｢What did you
bring me?｣
        ｢I bought Scotch eggs.｣
        Tomo eyed the package suspiciously.  ｢A skosh egg?  It looks
pretty big to me.｣
        Yomi knocked Tomo in the head with the package of food.
｢-Scotch- egg, idiot.  Unlike you, I am an expert on the world's
cuisine.  Try it.｣
        Tomo tore open the packaging, and took a bite of the fried
sausage enveloping a hard-boiled egg.  ｢Mmm, this is pretty good.｣  She
took another bite, and muttered, ｢Hey, there's egg in here, too.｣
        ｢I told you you'd like it,｣ Yomi said, biting into her own
Scotch egg.
        Tomo switched to speaking English, "A hard-boiled egg for a
hard-boiled detective."
        "You're already the perfect hard-headed detective."
        Tomo finished her snack slowly, as if lost in thought.  When she
finished, she once again began to narrate her life.
        "I sat alone with the woman.  She had the face of an angel, with
the knowing smile of a gangster's moll, shrouded by a curtain of
brunette."
        ｢What was that?｣
        "She had gams as long as Tokyo Tower, with a kick that would
make a Vegas showgirl proud; her silky stockings ran up just below her
skirt, offering the smallest glimpse of heaven."
        ｢What the heck, Tomo.  Enough, already!｣
        Tomo just held her palms out in front of her, only offering, "I
still can't understand dames."

        Out in the East End of London, a man with a blonde ponytail
packed away his pair of dikes before spooling up some leftover CAT-5e
cable.  He was glad to have found the job on Craigslist, since his
compensation could be paid under the table.  And it was simple enough
work, wiring internet for a small publishing company that was moving to
a new office.
        A man with graying temples in a shirt-and-tie walked in behind
the technician, and asked rhetorically, "So, you're about done?"
        "Yes sir.  I just double-checked everything -- wireless and the
desk station are all working."  He continued by packing away his laptop.
        "Is everything going to be secure?"
        "Of course.  No one else'll be able to get into the network."
<Except me, of course,> he thought to himself.  His years spent making
mischief in public school had taught him to be quite an effective liar
to authority figures.  Holding out an index card, he continued, "Here's
the password to the wireless."
        "Well, good work, Malcolm.  It looks great.  It will be nice not
to have a tangle of wires about."  He pulled his wallet out, and passed
three-hundred quid to the younger man -- just enough cash to let him
finish his special project.
        "Thank you much, mate.  Send me an email if you need anything
else."  With that, Malcolm gathered up the rest of his gear.  He put on
his black trenchcoat, and ventured unnoticed into the London night.

                                9:19 PM
                /♪ Steely Dan  "FM (No Static At All)" ♪/

        There had been no word of suspicious activity from Michelle
Hayward, so Koyomi Mizuhara fiddled with the antenna on the small
clock-radio back in her hotel room.  The TV was a modern, flat-screen
affair, but hotel radios are never quite so fortunate as to get the
benefits of twenty-first century technology.  A tiny touch on the analog
dial made the music come in clearly, but the static came back as soon as
she took her hand off of the antenna.
        <I -have- to get a better radio,> Yomi thought.  Unlike her
co-workers in the Public Prosecutors Office, she did not crave silence
when reading, but always felt more comfortable with a little bit of
music.  She never really understood it, but something about the
background noise helped her to concentrate.
        She made a small touch to the antenna which mostly cleared up
the signal. Deciding that any further fiddling would only make it worse,
she returned to the bed closest to the window and picked up her copy of
-Murder on the Orient Express.-
        Tomo Takino emerged from the hotel bathroom, clad only in a
white hotel towel wrapped around her torso.  Her raven hair was still
wet and stringy from her shower, but her big brown eyes held a spark.
She leaped on the nearest bed, and announced, ｢What'cha doing,
Yomi-chan?｣
        She didn't reply.  Yomi only thought to herself that there was
such a thing as -too much- background noise.
        ｢Listening to the radio?｣  Tomo absently grabbed the radio's
antenna, and swung it some 30 degrees.
        Static began to pulse with the beats of the song; Yomi's brow
seemed to furrow at the same tempo.
        Tomo got up, and examined the analog radio dial above the
current time displayed in glowing red digits.  ｢Don't worry, I'll fix
it!｣  She bent down to manipulate the tuning control, and the room
filled with high-pitched squeaks and roaring static.
        Yomi took a look at the smooth, pale skin of Tomo's bare behind
peeking out from the towel -- and decided to give it a good hard kick.
｢Tomo, you idiot!｣
        The resulting momentum knocked the radio on its side, and sent
Tomo into a double-twisting somersault onto her bed, all the while
screaming, ｢Uwaaaa!｣
        When her cry died down, Yomi noticed that the radio had
miraculously found a perfect tuning in its toppled state.  Hearing the
clear tones, her mood brightened, and she said, ｢Good work, Tomo,｣ with
a smile.  She grabbed her book, and returned to her bed to read.
        Tomo raised her eyebrows in confusion, but responded anyway,
｢Naturally, with my Olympic gymnastics skills.｣
        Yomi didn't even look up from her book to say, ｢Get some clothes
on, Tomo.｣

                      Saturday, December 4, 2010
                                8:24 AM

        Yomi sat in the car beside Tomo, set for another long day of the
stakeout.  The weather had much improved, though the wintry morning air
was still a chilly 7°C.  While Tomo was fidgeting with her laptop,
Yomi's phone started into a short jingle. "Hello," she answered.
        ｢Good morning, Mizuhara-kun,｣ was the reply from a gruff voice.
        ｢Ah!  Chief Aramaki, good morning!｣
        ｢I was just wondering how the case is progressing.｣
        ｢Well, we're on stakeout at this coffee shop where we got a tip,
but nothing is really going on,｣ Yomi complained, staring out at Café
Lorraine, lit by the early morning light.  ｢We have no idea if he was
actually here, but we have nothing better to go on.｣
        Aramaki asked, this time with a little more concern, ｢And how
are things working out with your partner?｣
        ｢This big idiot?  About as I expected.｣
        ｢I'm right here, Yomi!｣ Tomo asserted.  But she wasn't concerned
enough to actually look up from her computer.
        Yomi continued to her phone, ｢Truth be told, I don't know how
she ever solves any cases.｣
        ｢That's weird,｣ Tomo muttered.
        ｢Thanks, Tomo.  She's weird too.｣
        ｢No, I mean this data...｣ Tomo continued.
        But Yomi wasn't paying attention.  She spoke into her cell, ｢I
don't really know why we're out here.  I feel like we're never going to
figure anything out to catch him... what the heck!｣
        Yomi's voice cut out suddenly, as Tomo seized the phone from
her.  ｢Chief!  I need you to run a trace for me, on 67.18.208.157,｣ she
declared, reading the numbers too fast for Yomi to keep up.
        Aramaki, who never missed a detail, replied, ｢Got it.  I'll
assign it to Chen-san, since she just returned.  I assume this is good
news?｣
        Yomi looked at the person in the adjacent seat with increasing
disgust.
        Tomo said, ｢Of course!  Someone's been using this public WiFi
overnight, when the café's closed, to send a large amount of encrypted
data.｣
        ｢Sounds promising,｣ Aramaki affirmed.  ｢We'll get back to you
soon.｣
        ｢Later,｣ Tomo said cheerfully, and ended the call.
        ｢Hey, I was having a conversation, Tomo!｣
        ｢It sounded pretty boring to me, and we have something exciting
to do!  We've got to get back to the police station, and look at the
CCTV footage.｣  Tomo started up the engine of their rental car, and
looked in her mirrors.
        ｢Sounds like a plan.｣
        ｢Looks like we just cracked the case wide open.  I'd like to
hear an apology now.｣
        Yomi solemnly said, ｢I'm sorry I ever doubted your evidence,
Chiyo-chan.｣
        ｢... And I'm the best detective ever?｣
        ｢In your dreams, Tomo.｣
        Back at Interpol Headquarters in Lyon, Aramaki thought to
himself, <I suppose it's not any worse than when Takino and von Wettin
first became partners.  Though I hope it turns out a little less
dangerous this time.>

                         New Scotland Yard

        "I can't believe you gals dragged me in on a Saturday morning,"
Michelle said grumpily.  "I was trying to spend a little quality time
with my husband."
        Tomo teased, "You did sound a little out of breath when I
called..."
        "Tomo!" Yomi scolded.
        "This is far more important than those kind of things, we have
a..."  Tomo's phone started to emit a cheerful tune.  "...a call to
take.  Hold on."  Speaking into her phone, she said, "Hi Shen, how are
you doing today?  Didja have fun in Indonesia?"
        ｢Geez, Tomo.｣
        "Okay, I'll put you on speaker."  Tomo set her phone on
Michelle's desk and explained, "Everyone, this is Chen Shen, another
inspector for Interpol.  What did you find?"
        A small, serious-sounding soprano voice spoke in heavily
accented English, "The IP address you gave the Chief goes to public VPN
service in Czech Republic.  While we know that they have many users, the
VPN service is owned by Tomáš Gustáv, important member of the Czech
Pirate Party.  From news report, I found that Gustáv is WikiLeaks
collaborator."
        "Collaborator?" Yomi mused.
        "And someone was contacting this server from the café just
before midnight last night, and was connected for about 15 minutes."
Tomo explained.
        "Good!  That means we're probably on the right track," Michelle
cheered.  "Too bad we missed him, though."
        Tomo talked towards the phone, a little bit more loudly than she
actually need to.  "Good work.  Thanks a lot, Chen-chan!"
        "Glad to be of assistance, Inspector Takino.  I'll send you the
documentation in email."  After saying that, Chen abruptly disconnected.
        D.I. Hayward suggested, "Well, why don't we head down the CCTV
lab, and see what they saw in the area?"

        The constable looked up towards the three detectives behind him,
the their shadowed faces only illuminated by a dim, harsh light of the
CCTV monitors.  "I'm sorry," he offered apologetically.  "We can't find
anyone in the area between 23:30 and midnight, Detective.  There are
plenty of cars, but no one stayed in the area even close to fifteen
minutes."
        "This is a well-covered area.  There's really nothing on the
cameras?"  asked Michelle Hayward, incredulous.
        Yomi offered her own solution, even though she thought it was
farfetched, "Maybe he's a super-hacker, and hacked all of your cameras
to play a loop?"
        "That's what Lupin would do," said Tomo in sotto voce.
        The video tech looked up towards Yomi.  "I very much doubt it.
Besides, I would have noticed gaps or repeats."
        Tomo raised her left hand, and burst out with her own
explanation, "How about invisibility cloaks?  I hear you have those in
England."
        The constable in front of Tomo responded solely with a wide-eyed
stare of disbelief.  Another somewhat younger constable helpfully
suggested from a distant desk, "Those are kept securely in the Ministry
of Magic, ma'am."
        "Oh, that makes sense."
        A couple of the other video techs couldn't hold back their
laughter at this point, chortling from behind the rear bank of monitors.
        Yomi chastised, "Hey, be serious, Tomo!"
        "Why?  There's nothing we can do now except find Assange in
person."
        "Tomo's right.  I think our best course of action now is to try
and intercept our mysterious user tonight."  D.I. Hayward explained her
plan, "Let's assume he takes the same course of action, and comes near
midnight again.  We stake out the place, cover all of the CCTV blind
spots, and catch him in the act."
        "Sounds like a good plan," Tomo affirmed.
        "I'll arrange for some bobbies to join us on our excursion
tonight, and we'll plan to meet at, say, nine o'clock.  And then, most
importantly, I will go home and spend this beautiful afternoon with my
husband on my supposed day off."   With that, Michelle opened the door
to the hallway, flooding her small frame with light from the clear sky
above.

                           9:00 PM sharp

        Tomo Takino and Koyomi Mizuhara approached a small crowd of
plain-clothes police officers around an unmarked white police van,
parked just outside of Café Lorraine. 
        Yomi called ahead, "Good Evening, Michelle."
        "Good evening, Yomi," she answered back.
        "Did you get to do anything fun with your husband today?"
        "Well, nothing much, we just did this and that."
        Hearing this, Yomi looked a little embarrassed.  "Geez, there's
no need to be so direct about it, Michelle."
        On hearing this, Tomo started into a fit of giggles.
        Unsure of whether she had missed a cultural in-joke or if it was
just these girls being their own brand of wierd, Michelle decided to get
down to business.  She held out a photo and addressed the ten police
officers assembled there.  "Interpol is trying to find this man, Julian
Assange, on account of some charges of rape in Sweden.  We have reason
to believe that he or one of his associates is using the wireless
Internet at that coffee shop to keep in contact with his website,
WikiLeaks, so we'd like to keep him under surveillance.  We expect that
he won't use the Internet until after the café closes, but keep an eye
out, just in case.  I'll be here in the van, observing traffic on their
wireless network, and I'll let you know over the radio as soon as I
notice something suspicious.  Any questions?"
        Hearing no questions, she proceeded to assign locations to the
five teams to two officers, while a police sergeant passed out
walkie-talkies to Tomo and Yomi. 
        "Hey, let's test these out."  Tomo pushed the talk button on her
two-way radio, and spoke into the mouthpiece, "This is
Charlie-Uniform-Tango-Echo calling Bravo-Alfa-Kilo-Apple, come in Yomi
over-over."
        "Shall we test the wire around your neck, Tomo-chan?" Yomi
growled while stretching out the coiled wire connecting the mouthpiece
to the radio.
        Hayward had no idea what a B-A-K-A was, but she intervened
anyway, "I think team numbers will be enough."  Tomo and Yomi were duly
designated Team 2, and sent to guard the rear alley behind the coffee
shop.

         /♪ Kurihara Masaki  "Nandaka" _Azumanga Daioh OST 1_ ♪/

        As expected, two hours passed with no real activity.  Team 4 saw
someone stop his car for a few minutes, but that was only to use his
cell phone.  As the clock hit 11:15, Tomo and Yomi heard Michelle's
voice crackle through the radio.  "I've got a hit on the WiFi; report
in, everyone."
        "Nothing suspicious near Team 2, over," Yomi reported.  She
looked around in the dark night, just to be sure, but there was no
light, or movement, or anything in the alley.
        "Team 3 doesn't see anything either, over."
        "All quiet for Team 4."
        "Team 5 here, we haven't seen anyone, over."
        D.I. Hayward's voice scratched through the radio, "Nothing here
at Team 1.  Someone must have seen something.  He's still uploading data
at a pretty fast rate, so he must be nearby."
        After a full minute of radio silence, Tomo took her
walkie-talkie handpiece in hand.  "If none of us can see him, maybe we
should start walking around to find him."
        After a moment, a staticky reply came through the speaker from
Michelle, "That might scare him off.  Sounds risky, over."
        "That way, at least we'll know he's here, and try to follow him.
If we sit in the car, we might not find out anything, over."
        "Alright, Takino, this is your suspect, we'll do it your way.
Teams 2 through 5, start walking around the perimeter and look for
anyone using an electronic device of any kind.  We'll stay here and
monitor the WiFi, over."
        A chorus of "Roger" filled the radio.
        Yomi asked, ｢Is this really alright?  She didn't seem very
sure.｣
        ｢You have to take a chance once in a while.  Trust me, I'm the
expert at this,｣ Tomo bragged.
        Yomi observed dryly, ｢That's what I was afraid of.｣
        The pair debarked from their sedan, and set out into the night.
Tomo pointed her flashlight in the few dark corners of the well-lit
area, but didn't discover anything.  After about five minutes of
searching, one of the sergeants sent a question over the radio, "Is he
still transmitting, ma'am?"
        "He's still sending data," Michelle answered.  "No one's seen
anything?"
        The chorus of negative replies came in.  After another two
minutes, the Detective Inspector notified her team that the phantom user
had disconnected, but this didn't help matters any.  No one saw any
Internet users or active electronic devices in the area.
        Michelle warned, "Looks like he's disconnecting.  This is your
last chance, everyone."
        In spite of this, no one noticed anyone walking through, except
for a drunk man spotted by Team 4 who was barely able to operate his
legs, let alone a computer.
        By a quarter to midnight, Hayward gave the signal, "I don't
think we're going to find him tonight.  Let's return to base, and see if
we can sort something out."

                        Sunday, December 5, 2010
                                11:26 AM

        Yomi and Tomo walked out of a shoe store, one of the many shops
near Café Lorraine that they had investigated in the morning following
the previous night's failed operation.  Yomi summed up her conclusions
from the last visit, ｢Man, the guy in that shop looks like he had enough
trouble one-finger typing on the cash register.  Nothing there looked
like an automated networking device, either.｣
        Tomo reminded her, ｢But, like Michelle said, it doesn't look
like it was automated, given the usage pattern.｣
        ｢I know.  It just doesn't make sense.  There has to be something
that we're missing, I just know it.｣
        ｢Sounds like you're finally enjoying police work, eh?｣
        ｢It's just, hiding like that... that guy really pisses me off.｣
        ｢That's the spirit, Yomi!  Go for it!｣
        ｢After all this walking,｣ Yomi complained, ｢I think I'm going to
need some food to go for it.｣
        ｢Wanna try that pub a couple of blocks up the street?｣
        ｢Sure, why not.｣
        The two walked up the street, enjoying the relatively warm,
muggy day.  Britain was certainly not a tropical island, especially in
late Autumn, but was temperate enough for Tomo to walk around with her
khaki trenchcoat open, revealing a navy blue blouse and worn, tight
jeans.  Yomi's scarf hung loose over her natural-colored wool cardigan;
her long strides caused ripples to travel across her pleated skirt.
        They walked under a hanging wooden sign with a cartoon of a
chestnut horse with dark hooves, with the words "RED PONY" written above
it.  The sign for the Red Pony Pub wouldn't have looked out of place in
the eighteenth century, were it not for the electric lights attached for
nighttime illumination.  Yomi pulled the brass handle on the worn wooden
door, allowing Tomo to hop into the pub ahead of her.
        Yomi read the short menu, and then frowned.  ｢Tomo, we did a lot
of walking today, right?｣
        ｢Yeah,｣ Tomo replied absently.
        ｢Like really, -a lot- of walking?｣
        ｢Well yeah, my feet are totally sore.｣  Tomo added dramatically,
｢I can't make it, you'll have to go on without me!｣
        ｢Ah, good.｣
        ｢Eh?｣  Tomo's expression became blank at her partner's
callousness.
        Yomi smiled, and walked up to the counter.  "I'd like an order
of fish and chips, please."
        Tomo rushed up and grabbed Yomi from behind.  Poking out her
head from behind her friend's shoulder, she exclaimed, "Me too!  Fish
and chips!"
        They sat down at one of the many unoccupied tables still
available before the lunch crowd came in.  Yomi started looking around
absently at the decor, which primarily consisted of a dearth of old,
worn wooden furniture.  A foosball table rested near the back, not in
use at the moment.  The walls were covered with photos and pennants for
football teams she'd never heard of.  Behind one of the hung pennants
was a strange looking plastic tube, with a wire coming out of the fat
end.
        ｢Hey, Tomo, what's that thing?｣  Yomi pointed towards the odd
tube she had noticed.
        ｢Oh, that?  That's a directional WiFi antenna.｣
        ｢Oh, I see.｣  She paused to think about this for a second.  ｢Why
is it pointed down the street...｣
        ｢... directly at Café Lorraine?｣ Tomo finished Yomi's thought.
        ｢That's it!  We've been looking in the wrong place this whole
time!｣
        ｢Good clue, Yomi.｣  Tomo smiled and gave the thumbs-up sign,
happy that her partner was really getting the hang of this police work.
        ｢We'll get you tonight, Assange!｣  Yomi said.  She realized that
she sounded exactly like Tomo once the words left her mouth, and hung
her head low in embarrassment.  She concluded that something about this
situation must really be getting under her skin.
        ｢Maybe not,｣ Tomo observed.  ｢This means he has someone helping
him.｣
        ｢Oh right.  Someone else must have installed the antenna.｣
        An older gentleman brought out their baskets of fried fish and
potatoes, saying, "Here ya go."
        Tomo queried, "Hey, do you have wireless internet here?"
        The gray-haired man responded, "Sure.  We just had it put in a
month ago.  The guy did a really good job, too."
        "Oh really?  Do you remember his name?  We want internet for our
apartment, too," Tomo lied.
        "I think it was... Malcolm.  Yeah, Malcolm Thomas."
        "Thanks a lot."
        Yomi took a bite of breaded fish, thinking that she had
definitely earned it today.

        After lunch, they walked back towards the café to ask a few
questions, where their dark green rental car was parked anyway.  Upon
their arrival, Tomo flagged down Robert Poole in her usual unsubtle
manner, "Hey, Mr Poole, over here!"
        Unable to avoid her summons, he said, "What seems to be the
problem, girls?"
        "Just a couple of questions, sir," Yomi stated flatly.
        "Question number one: Do you own a pub, too?" Tomo asked.
        "Uh, no.  Just this café.  What does a pub have to do with your
case?"
        "I'm the one asking the questions here," Tomo declared, finger
extended towards the restauranteur.
        ｢Oh brother,｣ Yomi said in Japanese, though the tone of her
voice and her rolling eyes made the meaning clear in any language.
        "Question number two: Do you know a man named Malcolm Thomas?"
        "Uh, yes, I believe I do.  He came in about six weeks ago to fix
the wireless internet, and oh, is he involved?"
        Yomi decided to cut off any nonsense from Tomo by just answering
the question, "There's a good chance, since you just established a
pattern of behavior.  Can you tell us how you found him?"
        "I found his service through a website, though wait a second..."
Mr Poole went behind the register and removed a small file, from which
he promptly produced a business card.
        He handed the card to Yomi, which she read aloud, "Malcolm
Thomas, Jnr., Networking Solutions."  Yomi looked up, saying, "This
should help.  Thanks a lot, Mr Poole."
        "If you ladies need any more help, just ask."
        After saying goodbye, the detectives returned to their vehicle,
which displayed a reflection of the slowly gathering clouds in the
windshield.
        ｢Good job playing 'good-cop/bad-cop' with me, Yomi.｣
        ｢Oh, so you just been playing a 'bad cop' all this time?｣ Yomi
said sardonically.  ｢I didn't think you needed to pretend to be a 'bad
cop'.｣
        ｢Yeah, I'm just naturally good at these things.｣
        ｢Like being bad.｣
        ｢Exactly,｣ Tomo affirmed.
        Giving up, Yomi said, ｢Never mind,｣ opened the passenger door,
and sat down in the car.
        ｢What?  What?｣

        D.I. Michelle Hayward was summoned back to her office, and Yomi
quickly brought her up to speed on the latest developments.
        "So we wasted the whole night in the wrong place."
        "I'm still angry that man made us waste the whole night looking
for him."
        "Relationship issues?" Michelle asked.
        "Uh no, it's not that," Yomi said, waving jazz hands. "Just
English speaking problems, and..."
        Tomo just giggled.
        "Well, in any case, let's find out who we're looking for.  I'll
pull his driving licence."  Michelle sat down at her desk, and logged
into her computer.  After a flurry of typing, the petite redhead turned
the monitor towards her temporary colleagues.  "I think this is our
man."
        The screen displayed a picture of a skinny blond man with long
hair and bright blue eyes.
        "Aha, another evil blond guy!" Tomo theorized.
        "Not that again." Yomi moaned.
        "He looks a bit like D.S. Hathaway over in Oxfordshire, if only
he had long enough hair to make a ponytail."
        Tomo played with the name of her adversary aloud, "Malcolm
Junior... Malcolm『Nisei』... Malcolm the Second -- I shall be your
opponent."
        "That's it, Tomo!  Mal-2!"
        "Eh?" Tomo and Yomi uttered in unison?
        "Mal-2 is the nick of a person who frequents the IRC Channels
used by Anonymous."
        Hayward was referring to the disorganized collective that grew
out of imageboards in the early 2000s, which occasionally organized to
protest online.  Anonymous' actions, like that of many protest groups,
found themselves on the wrong side of the law -- in this case, staging
many attacks like theft of data from insecure corporate websites or
distributed denial of service (DDoS) attacks.  But Anonymous was
amorphous and diverse; with no leadership structure, law enforcement had
struggled to arrest anyone related to the movement.
        And now Michelle had a lead.  "We've wanted to find Mal-2 in
connection with some DDoS attacks for a while.  I think... I think we
can definitely say that Malcolm Thomas Jnr. is wanted for questioning in
those matters."
        Tomo placed her hands on her hips, and held her chest high in
triumph.  "Tomo Takino cracks yet another case!"
        "Hold on a minute.  I'm pretty sure I'm the one who found the
antenna," Yomi countered.
        "The student's action comes from the master's teaching.  So it's
my accomplishment, really."
        "The only thing you taught me was how to walk around in circles
last night."
        "Another big success!  We found out where not to look, for
sure."
        Michelle announced, "I guess I should get started setting up
tonight's stakeout," but it fell on deaf ears, as the argument continued
in the background unabated.

                            10:44 PM

        Back in the dark, underground lair, Malcolm Thomas walked down
the steps into the basement he had set up for his guest, Julian Assange.
He opened the door to reveal his prematurely white-haired guest, typing
away like mad while Channel 4 played silently on the TV behind him.
        "Have you finished tonight's upload, mate?"
        "Ah, yes," Assange said.  "Sorry to make you do all of this
work, just to keep me hidden."
        "No worries mate," assured the tall man with glasses, his blonde
hair in a ponytail.  "I'm just irked those buggers got you in hiding,
just for sharing some data."
        "The corrupt governments of the world will always try to attack
those who speak the truth."
        "I still don't know why you have to redact all of those American
diplomatic cables, mate.  Information wants to be free."
        "I don't want to put anyone in harms way, unless it's just their
political careers.  This is about informing people about their own
governments, not about destroying lives," Assange expounded, and then
tossed Malcolm a USB flash drive.  He turned his head, leaving his pale
face lined in shadow.  "The only way the really damaging information is
going to get leaked, is if they hold me prisoner.  If the Americans show
that they truly want vengeance, well, they'll have to deal with my
insurance policy."
        Thomas departed with another set of documents, and to once again
enter the passphrase that would keep the "insurance policy" from being
released automatically.  He thought that it would be a laugh if those
documents really did get released, but for now, it was more important
that Assange was protected from the Americans.
        And so Malcolm Thomas, Jnr. made his daily trek to the Red Pony
Pub, unaware that the greatest threat to Assange was not from the vast
forces of the Americans, but from a pair of Japanese women.
        
        A short time later, Michelle Hayward sent out a message over the
radio, "Café WiFi is active.  Look alive, everyone."
        For some reason, the administration for the Metropolitan Police
had been very indulgent in offering Michelle a lot of personnel for the
stakeouts in this case.  One couldn't get ten officers under normal
cirumstances when an arrest warrant had not yet been issued -- there had
to be some political motivations -- but Michelle was not about to look
this gift horse in the mouth.  Still, it was harder to find constables
who wanted extra work on Sunday evening, so the crew was down to five
officers, plus Yomi, Tomo, and herself for the night.
        Michelle had offered the Interpol agents the more interesting
job of observing the patrons within the Red Pony pub, but Yomi had
turned it down because a certain someone might get too distracted by the
beer.  So when Yomi heard Michelle's call to action, she deposited her
book on the dashboard of the rental car.
        After a minute and a half peering out the car's windows,
searching for activity beneath the ominously stormy skies, it became
obvious that Tomo and Yomi weren't going to see anything important by
just sitting there.  Tomo said softly, ｢Let's take a look around.｣
        Her partner responded by unbuckling her seatbelt, and opening
the car door.  A frigid wind rushed in to fill the cabin, causing her to
wrap her scarf around her neck immediately after standing up.  ｢It sure
got cold fast,｣ she complained.
        Tomo finished buttoning up her khaki-colored trenchcoat, and set
off to examine the buildings surrounding the pub.  Yomi followed close
behind, her brown eyes darting to examine every detail she could.
        However, Tomo was the first to spot what looked like a bluish
glow, clashing with the orange of the sodium-vapor streetlights. She
turned and found the light's source coming from the end of a narrow
passage between two old brick-walled buildings. ｢Hey Yomi!｣ she said
quietly yet excitedly.  ｢Let's get a closer look at that light.｣
        Yomi quietly darted into the passageway, and hid between a pair
of rubbish bins.  As she looked over the top of one of the cans, she saw
a man with a ponytail typing away at a computer.  She silently mouthed
the words, ｢Found him.｣
        And then suddenly, she felt another presence bumping into her.
It pushed down on her head, so she could no longer see the man.  She
whispered, ｢Tomo, what the heck?｣
        ｢I wanna see too, wanna see,｣ Tomo said in an unusually soft
voice -- unusual for her, anyway.  She wedged Yomi further down to get a
look for herself.
        ｢Find your own hiding place, Tomo.｣
        ｢Where else am I going to hide in here?｣  Tomo squirmed around
in the slot between the trash cans in an attempt to find a comfortable
position.  Yomi tried to rearrange herself at the same instant, which
resulted in Yomi taking Tomo's elbow into her kidney.
        ｢Stop it!｣ Yomi said a bit too loud, as she pushed Tomo away a
bit too hard.  Tomo's body was flung against streetward trash can,
toppling it.
        Suddenly, a cacaphony echoed across the brick walls: the hollow
sound of a plastic rubbish bin hitting the ground, the ｢Itai!｣ of pain
from Tomo's voice, the rustle of sundry goods hitting the floor, and
finally, a glass bottle rolling away before the passageway was blanketed
once again by the silence of the night.
        The silence didn't last long.  A cry of "Shite!" was emitted
from the other end of the corridor, as Malcolm Thomas Jnr. recovered
from his surprise.  He took in the situation -- two people were on the
ground who were presumably hiding to get a look at him.  This was not
good for him at all.  He swiftly snapped the lid to his laptop shut, and
made for an expeditious retreat.
        Tomo sprang to her feet and yelled, "After him!", while running
towards the far end of the passageway.  Yomi took longer to get up and
start her persuit, but her longer strides quickly closed the distance to
catch up with her shorter partner.  However, Tomo abruptly came to a
stop right in front of her, to avoid hitting a wall.
        ｢A dead end?｣ Yomi asked.
        ｢Except for that door,｣ Tomo deduced.  She kicked open the
battered old wooden door, set into the right-hand wall.  It was not
latched, and easily opened, revealing stone stairs leading down into
utter blackness.  Tomo fished into one of the inner pockets of her
trenchcoat, and removed a small LED flashlight.  She flicked the torch
on, and said confidently, ｢Let's go!｣ before beginning her descent.
        Examining her surroundings, Yomi felt goosebumps rising from the
base of her spine as she followed Tomo down into the darkness.  The
stairs continued down a small, straight stairwell for about three
flights.  The arched block ceiling above them, laced with spiderwebs,
had incandescent lightbulbs inside old-style metal cage fixtures.
However, they were long since burned out and disconnected, offering no
light to guide the detectives.  <This place feels really old and
creepy,> Yomi thought, as she descended down the steps.
        Tomo clicked the button on her police radio and spoke, "Found
the suspect, requesting backup."  All she heard in return was some
garbled voices amidst the static.  Yomi assumed that they were already
too deep underground to get any backup this time -- they would have to
go it alone.
        As they rushed to the base of the stairs, they turned past a
sign reading "FIRE EXIT ONLY" in an antique typeface, and entered a
long, large chamber.  Two sets of old, rusted tracks were laid into the
floors.  Flat concrete walls, roughly four meters high, supported steel
beams on the ceiling.  The Kingsway Tramway Tunnel had not been used for
trams for nearly sixty years, leaving this portion of the tunnel
completely vacant.  So it was not difficult at all for Tomo and Yomi to
see a light receding to their left, about 20 meters away.
      /♪ Kurihara Masaki "Chiyo-chan Hashiru! [Chiyo-chan Runs!]"
                    _Azumanga Daiou OST 1_ ♪/
        They dashed after the man carrying the torch, yelling, "Stop!
Police!"  Tomo, full of energy, darted to an early lead -- her flailing
arms and legs brought her to within a couple meters of their quarry, at
which point she began to fall behind and gasp for air.  Yomi's long,
measured strides quickly overtook Tomo, at about the point Tomo began
dragging her feet along the pavement with gritted teeth.
        After a couple of minutes of running, Yomi and Malcolm both knew
that Yomi was the better racer, and would eventually catch up to him.
However, Malcolm had thoroughly explored this tunnel before; he smiled
as he formulated a plan to escape.  His black laptop bag, emblazoned
with a sticker of Tux the penguin, swung up and down in time with his
blond ponytail, as he surged forward with a burst of speed.  In the pale
light cast by Tomo's flashlight, she could see Yomi's long brunette hair
fly behind her like streamers in the wind, as Yomi tried to match
Malcolm's frantic pace.
        He ran towards a platform affixed high on the left wall, and
scrambled up a ladder that was propped against the platform's metal
grating.   As Yomi sped towards the ladder, Malcolm bent down and yanked
the ladder upwards.  Yomi leapt to try and catch its bottom rung, but
she was a just a moment too slow.  Malcolm rapidly ascended another
ladder, this one made of metal and attached to the platform, making his
way up a narrow manhole towards the surface.
        Still breathing heavily, Tomo caught up to Yomi.  She pointed
her flashlight up through the grating, which illuminated their suspect's
hind quarters, hurriedly scaling the ladder.
        ｢We need to get the ladder down,｣ Yomi stated.
        Tomo's plan was formulated in less than a second.  ｢Here, give
me a boost!｣
        Yomi bent down and, against her better judgement, put her hands
forward with intertwined fingers to form a step for her partner.
        Tomo charged forth, shouted ｢Hyaa!｣, and leaped atop her
companion with predictably excessive gusto.  As Tomo clambered up onto
Yomi's shoulders, Yomi began to teeter.  Yomi was about to complain
about Tomo's feet grabbing into her chest, but she didn't get the
chance.
        Yomi's unsteadiness accidentally swung Tomo against the wall,
eliciting a small cry of pain from her.  Tomo's flashlight dropped out
of her hand, and hit the ground; the torch immediately flickered out,
and left the pair in the underground darkness.
        ｢Yaaa!  It's dark.  Yoomii!｣ Tomo cried, who clung on to Yomi's
upper torso for dear life.  Yomi, previously unbalanced, became entirely
disoriented in the complete blackness.  Trying to regain her center, she
took two quick steps; the squeak of her rubber-soled shoes echoed in the
darkness.  And then, in an experiment that took place less than a
kilometer from the halls of the Royal Society, Yomi and her lab
assistant Tomo once again confirmed Newton's laws of momentum and
gravity by gracelessly falling to the floor.
        It took Tomo a moment before she broke the silence.  ｢Oops.｣
        ｢Oops is right,｣ cried Yomi indignantly.  ｢Get off of me, you
big clumsy idiot!｣
        ｢Sorry, sorry.｣  Yomi could feel Tomo's body rolling off of her
own in the dark.  Yomi laid there a moment longer, catching her breath.
        ｢Hey, stop touching me, Tomo.  It's not funny.｣
        ｢Um...｣
        ｢It feels really weird, stop it!｣ Yomi whined into the darkness.
        ｢I'm not touching you.｣
        ｢Then what...?｣
        Tomo dug into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, upon
which she pressed a button.  Instantly, Yomi's figure was lit by a dull
bluish glow -- not much, but enough to make out the culprit.  On Yomi's
right leg crawled a black insect, the size of a 100 yen coin.  ｢See,
it's just a cockroach,｣ Tomo explained.
        Yomi stood up in a flash, and yelled ｢Gyaa! Get it off get it
off...!｣  By this time, the roach had already fallen off of its own
accord and was currently seeking a safe place to hide, but Yomi was too
freaked out to notice.
        The light of the cell phone went out.  Tomo's phone made a small
click.  The light came back on.  ｢It's gone now, Yomi,｣ Tomo observed,
as she took in the sight of Yomi standing with her legs together and her
hands tight against her chest.  Then she trotted off behind Yomi, and
picked up a small cylinder on the ground.  She picked it up, and upon
twisting the battery compartment tighter, the tunnel was once again
illuminated.
        Yomi brushed some phantom sensations off of her stockings with
her hands.  She looked up at the ladder, sitting next to its counterpart
welded to the platform grating, and said, ｢Well, we're not trying that
again.｣
        ｢Ah, c'mon,｣ Tomo complained.
        ｢Let's see if we can find something to knock the ladder down.｣
        Not too far up the passageway, Tomo spotted a long metal pole
amongst some road signs stashed in the tunnel by the Camden Council's
transportation department.  Tomo grabbed the pole, and held it above her
head with a clean and jerk motion.  ｢This oughtta do it.｣
        The pair jogged back to the platform leading up; Yomi said, ｢Let
me try, I'm taller.｣  Yomi took the metal rod and slipped it under a
rung of the unattached ladder, above her head.  At first, its legs
seemed to stick in the grating, but when she swiftly hefted with the
pole, it came loose, and slid down towards the ground.  Yomi jumped out
of the way just in time -- the pipe fell from her hands to hit the earth
with a resounding C♯, followed immediately by the echoing crash of the
ladder falling to the floor.
        Tomo exclaimed, ｢Yosh!｣
        Yomi set the ladder upright, gave it the old shake test to make
sure it was secure, and began climbing up to the platform.  ｢Let's get
out of this place.｣
        ｢Right behind you.｣  Tomo followed Yomi up the platform, and
they both climbed the second ladder, welded to the walls of the manhole
leading up.
        Yomi came to a hinged steel panel at the top.  It was too heavy
to push up one handed, so she braced her back against the far wall,
gathered her strength, and heaved the panel open.  Immediately, her hair
began to get wet as rain poured down into the manhole.  She pulled
herself up to the sidewalk, and Tomo followed suit.
        They stood on the side of a road, in the rain, with cars
splashing by.  The shops along the street had closed for the night, with
the exception of a lone corner store.  Otherwise, the street was lit
only by the cone of orange droplets under the streetlamps, and the
headlamps of passing cars.
        Yomi and Tomo both took a 360° view of their surroundings, but
both quickly came to the same conclusion: that neither had the slightest
clue as to which direction Malcolm Thomas Jnr. had run.
        ｢Aw, shoot,｣  Tomo complained, ｢we were so close.｣
        Both of their police radios crackled to life. "Takino and
Mizuhara, please respond."
        Tomo was quicker on the draw, removing the radio speaker from
her pocket, and spoke into the device, "Yo, what's up Hayward!"
        The reply came back, "Where the hell have you been?  Is Yomi
okay?"
        Yomi spoke into her own transceiver, "I'm fine.  Look, it's a
long story.  Can you come pick us up?"
        Yomi took her glasses off, and wiped the water off with her
sweater before replacing them, but it didn't help much.  While she had
originally thought that Tomo's trenchcoat was just her playing the role
of a goofy manga detective, it was faring a lot better than Yomi's
sweater, which was in the process of getting completely soaked by the
heavy downpour.
        Seeking shelter, Yomi plodded ahead towards the convenience
store, eager to get out of the cold rain.  Tomo trotted along behind
her, looking down and hopping in the nascent puddles as she went along.
Yomi thought darkly to herself, <What the hell is wrong with that girl?
Or maybe I should ask, what isn't wrong with that girl?>

                       Monday, December 6, 2010
                               12:05 AM

        Koyomi Mizuhara spent the car ride home in silence, staring at
the rain-soaked scenery out the left-hand window without actually seeing
anything.  She hadn't been talkative during the rendezvous with Michelle
either, letting Tomo recount the chase through the tunnel in whatever
ridiculous manner she chose.  Too preoccupied with her own thoughts,
Yomi hadn't cared enough to pay attention.
        Michelle had assumed that Yomi was feeling a little down from
being out in the rain after all of that exertion.  And, truth be told,
the dampness in her hair and the chill in her skin didn't help matters.
But she was depressed about something else entirely.
        Tomo glanced over at Yomi, a concerned look on her damp face.
Yomi's visage appeared to be lost in thought, the kind of deep troubling
thoughts where you don't want to be disturbed.  Tomo's mouth opened for
a minute, but no sound came out.  She closed her mouth, and her
expression deepened into a frown, as she looked on at her companion.
        Tomo felt the car hydroplane a bit, and Tomo's eyes were
suddenly diverted back to the road.  Yomi sat there, making no sound;
the hum of the engine, the soft patter of the rain on the windshield,
and the rhythmic sweep of the wiper blades were the soundtrack for the
trip back to the hotel.
        Once they got back in the hotel room, Yomi felt a good deal
warmer, but the chill in her heart had not yet faded.  She pulled out a
chair and sat down in Room 615's small table.  Tomo pulled a towel out
of the bathroom, and scrubbed her black hair with it to extract the
moisture.
        Yomi remained at the small table, her head resting on her right
hand, looking at nothing in particular.
        ｢Yomi, what's wrong?｣ Tomo asked, with an unusually high level
of concern in her voice.
        Yomi replied curtly, ｢Nothing.｣  Yomi's eyes stared a hole
straight through her glasses and were boring into the wall.
        ｢I've known you for a long time Yomi.｣  She bent down to Yomi's
eye level.  ｢Are you sure there's nothing wrong?｣
        ｢You want to know what's wrong?｣ Yomi asked rhetorically.
｢Everything.｣
        Tomo stared blankly, ｢Eh?｣
        ｢Oh, of course an idiot like you wouldn't notice.  Another big
screwup and it's all fine and happy in Tomo's world.  Aren't you upset
you let him get away?｣
        ｢Well... there's always tomorrow...｣
        ｢Except now that person won't come back, and there are no
leads.｣
        ｢It's fine, it's fine.  These things always work themselves
out,｣ she reassured Yomi.
        ｢What the hell, Tomo?｣
        ｢Um?｣
        ｢This whole thing is your fault, Tomo,｣ she accused, standing up
to point at her face.  ｢If you could act like anything other than a
complete idiot, it would be alright.｣
        ｢But, even Yomi-chan...｣  she stood there blankly, not sure how
to respond.
        ｢But it's the same stupidity, every time.  Ever since grade
school, you would always drag me into your idiocy.  And each time, you'd
follow me to the next school and make a mess of things there too.  But
this time, I had a life.  I studied hard, and became an attorney.  I had
a career, and friends, and a future that were all -my own.-  But you had
to take that from me too, didn't you?  And now I'm stuck here,
babysitting an idiot child in a foreign country rather than living the
life -I wanted to live-, because this idiot's employers wouldn't trust
her not to be a huge fuckup.｣
        ｢Yomi, that is --｣  Tomo was obviously upset, visibly shaking at
Yomi's words.
        ｢So now you screwed up my life, too, Tomo!  Does it make you
proud to have fucked up one more thing?  Is it that funny to see Yomi
suffer?｣
        Tomo yelled, ｢I'm sorry that... that I was so selfish... that...
I just wanted to spend my life with my -best friend-.  I'm sorry...｣
Unable to keep talking through her tears, she dashed out the door to the
hotel room, which closed itself behind her with a dull thud.
        Yomi picked the towel that Tomo had used earlier from the floor,
and threw it towards the door, but it parachuted open and landed well
short of its goal.  She was still so worked up, with a hundred and eight
different wrathful thoughts nagging for attention, that she paced the
room for over a minute.
        She was eventually brought out of her reverie by scratching an
itch on her thigh -- it reminded her that she really did want to get out
of her cockroach-corrupted clothing and wash away sweat the sweat of the
footrace.  She jerked off her stockings, entered the tiny bathroom, and
pulled the plastic knob on the wall to start hot water for a shower.
        /♪ Tanaka Rie "Sorezore no One Way [Each Separate Road]"
           _Azumanga Daioh Image Songs 6: Mizuhara Koyomi_ ♪/
        A couple of minutes of the warm water cleansing her body finally
gave her the chance to calm her emotions and stop thinking so much.  She
concentrated on the long practiced motions of washing her body, slightly
adapted to keep possession of the positively tiny white bar of hotel
soap.  Having run out shampoo yesterday, she squeezed out a daub some of
Tomo's shampoo, and proceeded to lather her hair.   After rinsing, Yomi
did not yet feel like coming out to face Tomo, so she pulled the metal
lever to plug the drain and draw a bath.
        She relaxed in the tub, which was just barely long enough to let
her stretch out.  She smelled the floral fragrance the air, and noted
with dismay, <Damn, the smell of that shampoo makes me think of her.>
She sunk her head into the water, knowing that despite her best efforts,
she had washed that girl -into- her hair.  She came up for air and let
out a sigh.
        She thought silently, <What is it with that girl?  She thinks
she's the world's greatest policeman, and the whole week has been one
long comedy of errors.  And this whole time, I've been...>  She
struggled to think of exactly how she felt -- she hadn't felt all that
lost, or abandoned, or embarrassed.  She tried to rule out the
possibility that she had actually enjoyed her time in London.  Finally,
she settled on feelings of irritation.  <That's right, I've been
irritated all this time.>
        She sighed again, bringing her hand up to her face.  <That's me,
Mizuhara Koyomi, irritated when the world doesn't go my way.>  She
frowned at herself.  <Maybe I was too hard on that idiot.  It's just...
If only I'd have been back home in Japan, I'd be happy... no.  I'd be
tired from yet another day of working twelve hours, trying to catch up
on all of the case files the bosses unload on me.  It just makes me mad
that, after I worked so hard to earn my station in the Public
Prosecutor's Office, Tomo pulls me into her job and just does whatever
she likes.>  And then she wished that she could be so carefree.
        She stood up, letting the water drain off of her body.  As Yomi
pulled a towel around her body, she felt that maybe it was time to make
up with her friend once again.  <I suppose it was just as much my fault
as hers, pushing her at the trash can.  I'm the one who's supposed to
know better, after all.  She didn't get mad at me for my screw-up,
either.>
        Once she had finished drying herself, she combed her brown hair
straight and picked up her glasses from the sink counter.  She wiped the
steam off of her wire-frame specs with a hand towel, and seated them on
across her light brown eyes.  She took a deep breath, and readied
herself, and opened the bathroom door.
        Walking out, she softly declared to the room, ｢Tomo, I want to
talk.  I'm sorry I...｣  Her voice cut out abruptly when she realized
that she was talking to an empty room.  She did a quick check of the
hotel room, checking the few hiding places mainly out of habit.
Concluding that the room truly was empty save herself, she said softly,
｢Tomo-chan, where did you go?｣ concluding with a barely audible,
｢Idiot.｣
        After she got dressed, Yomi tried calling Tomo's cellular phone
five times, but it never connected.  She couldn't do anything other than
leaving a message, suggesting that Tomo please return her call.  She
picked up her mystery novel to try and distract herself, but she
couldn't get her idiot friend out of her mind.  After ten minutes Yomi
realized that she had tried to read the same page of her book four
times, not recalling the words even once.
        She couldn't take it any more, and set her book down on the bed.
She yanked off her pyjamas and fastened the buttons of a clean pink
shirt obtained from the closet.  She slid her keycard into her jeans
before opening the door.
        Yomi ventured into the hall, but didn't see Tomo waiting outside
the door.  She strolled past the ice machines, down the elevator, and
entered the hotel lobby.  As she scanned the room, she became
increasingly disappointed at the fact that she didn't see her friend
anywhere.  She turned around to walk through a short hallway which
terminated at the hotel's back door.
        Stopping there, she looked out through the glass in the door --
she dared not go outside, as rain was still pouring from the dark sky.
Instead, Yomi's eyes searched the drenched car park from indoors, but
their car was nowhere to be found.  So she stared at the falling rain.
        She searched her mind for ideas to find her comrade, but came up
empty.  With nothing more she could do, she plodded back to her room,
her eyes cast downward.  Yomi swiped the keycard in the lock, and
reentered her lonely room.  She turned all of the lights off except for
the small desk lamp, and sat up on the bed awaiting Tomo's return.

                             8:40 AM
         /♪ Fleetwood Mac  "Say You Will"  _Say You Will_ ♪/

        Sunlight filtered through the curtains, but it was the knock on
the door that woke Yomi up.  The second, much louder pounding on the
hotel door was entirely unnecessary.  She took a second to remember her
English, and hollered at the door, "Okay, I'm coming!"
        She was still dressed in her shirt and jeans, having fallen
asleep above the bed's comforter about an hour into the previous night's
vigil.  Her glasses were still halfway on her face, with the left temple
arm caught up in her brown hair.  She sat up to put her glasses back
into place, and brushed through her hair with her fingers.  Yomi walked
to the door, and without bothering to look through the peephole, pulled
it open.
        Appearing before her was a short woman with short dark hair,
stringy and matted together from being wet.  Her trenchcoat was covered
in dust.  Her deep brown eyes tinged with red and her face coated with
salt betrayed the fact that the woman had been crying.  She was a mess,
but to Yomi, it was a beautiful sight. ｢To-Tomo!｣ she stuttered out,
still only half-awake.
         ｢Koyomi-san, I want to apologize for what I did... for getting
you dragged into my life, and for not thinking about what you want.
I'll ask Chief Aramaki to find a way for you to return without losing
face.  And...｣ Tomo could barely get the words out, ｢I'm really sorry
I've bothered you for so long.  I will...｣
        ｢You idiot!｣
        Tomo's countenance sunk even lower.  She looked like she was
ready to cry once again.
        ｢You made me worry about you all night in a foreign country.｣
Yomi grabbed Tomo with both arms, and embraced her like a circle around
the sun.
        ｢Yomi, I...｣ Tomo said before began crying once again, but now
with tears of joy.  She buried her face on her taller friend's shoulder.
        ｢Besides, I should be the person apologizing.  I said all of
those cruel things, when I was too tired to think straight.｣  Yomi
pushed Tomo out of the hug so she could talk face-to-face. ｢So please --
forget everything I said last night, okay?  I was being stupid.｣
        ｢Okay!｣  Tomo grinned, her tears drying up.  ｢I'm good at
forgetting everything I learned yesterday.｣
        ｢That explains your grades,｣ Yomi criticized, before even
realized what she was saying.
        Tomo laughed.  ｢So natsukashii.  We sure had fun back then,
didn't we?｣
        ｢For sure.｣  Yomi smiled. 
        ｢Let's have fun today, too.｣
        ｢Don't we have to work?｣
        ｢Well, we're out of leads for today, so why don't we take the
day off?  We're in London, city of royalty and culture!  We can go to
all kinds of museums and eat all kinds of food.｣
        ｢That sounds nice,｣ Yomi replied cheerfully.  ｢But... you look
awful.  Tomo -- bath -- now!｣ she commanded.
        ｢Yes!｣

        All cleaned up, they left the hotel through the front door, and
set out walking along the street in the direction of the Tube station.
Yomi was in a light blue turtleneck sweater, with a pleated skirt the
color of lapis lazuli.  Just below the bottom of her skirt, two long
white stockings led down to dark blue flats on her feet.  She was still
a little bit cool in the morning breeze, but the weather forecast said
that it would make it to 12°C today, so she expected to be comfortable
once the clouds cleared.
        Tomo was once again in her khaki trenchcoat, which ruffled in
the wind of a red double-decker bus passing by, revealing a pair of
jeans and a red T-shirt.  The coat had been her constant companion on
the current assignment, and Yomi suspected that it had as much to do
with Tomo's desire to dress up like a detective than to ward off the
cool weather.
        Tomo retrieved her mostly recharged cellular phone from one of
the coat's exterior pockets, and placed a call Scotland Yard.  She left
a message with the duty officer for D.I. Michelle Hayward and her boss
George Mason: "After last night's operation, we realized that we need a
little time off.  Call us if you have anything important on the Assange
case -- otherwise, we'll see you tomorrow!"
        Across the street from the entrance to the London Underground,
Yomi spotted a restaurant that looked like it was doing a brisk business
with the morning crowd.  She interpreted the crowd as a good sign, even
though the decor of the restaurant could have been from the late 1970s.
She pointed the restaurant out, ｢Hey Tomo, do you want to try that
place?  I'm hungry.｣
        ｢Sure.  As you desire, Lady Yomi-sama.｣  The comment confused
Yomi, but she decided to take whatever praise she could from Tomo.
        They entered the warm establishment, and were consequently
seated in a booth along the windows.  They both turned their heads down
to scrutinize their choices on the menu.
        ｢Hey, what's this, 'Full English Breakfast'?  Does that mean
that the other ones are only half-'breakfasts'?  So sneaky,｣ Tomo
chastised.
        ｢Wow, that sounds like a lot of food.｣
        "Bubble and squeak?" she asked tentatively.  ｢That sounds gross,
lets try it!｣
        ｢That's just cabbage and --｣
        ｢Don't spoil the surprise, Yomi.  Does it have octopus tentacles
for the squeaky bubbles, I wonder?｣
        ｢I don't think they serve those kinds of things here.｣
        ｢Cola, maybe?｣ Tomo muttered, but the appearance of the waitress
saved Yomi the hassle of responding.
        They placed their orders for full English breakfasts: Tomo chose
poached eggs -- to "investigate international poaching", she claimed --
while Yomi went with fried eggs over-easy.
        Yomi nursed her cup of hot tea taking a sip while looking out
the windows at the sky filled with fluffy cumulus clouds.  It was going
to be a good beautiful day after all.  She glanced across the table at
her companion, who had her head buried in a copy of the Daily Mirror,
which blared the latest gossip on its cover.  Tomo set down the paper to
take a drink from her coffee cup, when she noticed Yomi smiling at her.
        ｢I guess Tomo-chan has grown up a little.  I didn't even know
you had it in you, an apology like that.｣
        She responded, ｢Are you kidding?  I'm the best in the world at
apologies.｣
        ｢Here we go again.｣
        ｢The people come to me and say, 『Sensei, please teach us how to
apologize!』  And I'm all like, 『Sorry, I don't have time right now.』｣
        Not missing a beat, Yomi deadpanned, ｢At that moment, they were
enlightened.｣
        A few minutes later, their waitress returned, bearing two plates
for her hungry guests.  She set one in front of each of the pair, asked
if they needed anything else, and then scurried back towards the
kitchen.
        Yomi took in the wonderful aromas on the plates, while Tomo
inquisitively prodded her plate with a fork.  She tentatively poked the
potato dish with the fork.  Then she lifted it up with the utensil, and
studied the underside of the dish.  Finally, she loaded a bite, and
cautiously tasted it.  ｢Mmm, not bad, I guess.｣  She sounded quite
disappointed to learn that bubble and squeak was just some potatoes
fried up with cabbage and a bit of ham and carrots. ｢I guess it's safe,
Yomi-- gah!｣ she said, her eyes suddenly widening at the end.
        By this time, Yomi had already sampled the entire plate: bubble
and squeak, eggs, sausage links, bacon, grilled tomato, fried mushrooms,
baked beans and toast.  ｢Eh?｣
        Tomo stared at her partner's emptying plate and complained, ｢How
did you get ahead of me?｣ She began shoveling food into her mouth like a
madwoman.
        ｢Eating is not a competition; please take your time and enjoy
it.｣
        ｢You juff don' wanf me to win,｣ Tomo mumbled with her mouth
full, and her food shoveling continued apace.  Unsurprisingly, Tomo did
in fact "win", given that her opponent wasn't actually competing in the
speed-eating contest.

        After breakfast, they crossed the street, walked down the steps,
and boarded the subway.  As the subway car departed the tube station,
Yomi said, ｢You seem to know where we're going.｣
        ｢Since today Yomi is Lady Yomi-sama --｣
        ｢Still with the『Lady』stuff?｣
        ｢-- I think we should take Lady Yomi-sama to a real castle.  So
let's go to the Tower of London!｣
        ｢Really?｣  Yomi added as an afterthought, ｢And stop calling me
Lady Yomi-sama.｣
        ｢Yeah.  Besides, we need to inspect the place where political
prisoners like Assange are held.｣
        ｢I don't think they do that any more, Tomo.｣
        ｢Well, we'll never know unless we go check it out.  Plus this
way we can add the admission fee to our expense account.｣
        ｢Do they really let you charge that kind of stuff?｣
        ｢Yep!｣ the shorter girl said enthusiastically.  Then her eyes
narrowed and she noted seriously, ｢But if anyone asks, we had a business
meeting today.｣
        The pair debarked at the Tower Hill station, and strolled out
towards the river.  In front of them stood a massive edifice of grayish
stone, three layers deep.  Beyond the crenellated battlements of the
inner and outer keep walls, stood White Tower atop the hill.
        Tomo paid the admission price for the pair, and carefully tucked
away the receipt in her wallet.  They strolled along the green grass,
and walked past the ravens kept in the tower.  One of them leapt up on a
rock using its unclipped wing.  Tomo called out to it, "Hey bird, my
friend Sakaki-san says hello from Japan!"
        The raven responded with a resounding "Kaaa!"
        Yomi raised her eyebrows at Tomo, but Tomo just told her, ｢What?
I just want a story that will make Sakaki-san blush.｣
        ｢Ah, I understand.  Who knew that woman was so crazy about
animals?｣
        Half a world away, a tall, raven-haired veterinarian sneezed.
Sniffing in, she briefly worried that she might have inherited her
mother's hay fever -- after all, there was certainly plenty of hay in
the barn where she was standing.  Then the white stallion before her
snorted, causing her to return to her medical examination of the horse.
        Back in England, Tomo noticed a sign pointing towards the Jewel
House, and started skipping off on her own.  Yomi sighed, figuring that
ravens weren't the only simple-minded critters here attracted to shiny
things.  She strolled past the guards to follow her friend into the
building, and scanned the crowded room.
        She found Tomo examining a golden crown, her wide-eyed face
pressed against the bulletproof glass to study the object.  Yomi made
her way across the room to join her companion.
        Yomi adjusted her glasses, and bent down to get a closer look at
the diamond-encrusted crown Tomo was looking at.  ｢Wow, this is
amazing.｣
        ｢I know.  It's not like they show off the mirror, the sword, and
the jewel,｣ Tomo said, describing the Three Sacred Treasures of Japan.
        ｢That's probably because they're old pieces of junk by now.
Better to let people imagine them in splendor than to see the
representation of Imperial Power covered in rust.｣
        ｢I always thought they had magic powers, like the sacred mirror
shooting a laser beam.｣
        Yomi rolled her eyes.  ｢My point exactly.｣
        They moved to the next display case, which held a single spoon,
engraved and plated in silver -- the only piece of the original Crown
Jewels that had survived the Cromwell era.  ｢But could the Three
Treasures really be any worse than a spoon?｣ Tomo wondered aloud.
        Yomi only shrugged at the fact a small ceremonial anointing
spoon could occupy a place of honor.
        Tomo ran ahead to another display, and said ｢Now this is cool,｣
examining a medieval set of full-plate bearing a glaive, shined to
perfection.  ｢I wonder if it's a +5?｣
        ｢Who knows?｣ Yomi said absently, as she read the description
placard on the adjacent wall.
        ｢It looks like it's my size.  Maybe I should try it on.｣
        ｢Stop!  It's a cursed item!｣ Yomi warned.
        ｢Wha--?｣
        Pointing at the placard, Yomi explained, ｢It says right here
that whoever wears it is compelled to kill every night by the evil
spirit in the armor -- that only blood can quench the evil armor's
thirst.｣  Of course, the placard's description of warfare during the
Plantagenet era had nothing to do with evil armor, but Yomi wasn't about
to let a few facts get in the way of teasing Tomo.
        Her gaze fixed on the shiny plate armor, Tomo started backing
away.  ｢No way!  Why would they have something like that?｣  The grating
on the helmet's mask began to twist itself into malicious teeth in
Tomo's mind.
        ｢It's in a vault in a castle.  Where else would you keep it?｣
        ｢Huh, good point.  Um... let's go look at something else.｣
Worried, Tomo grabbed her partner by the hand and dragged her to the
next exhibit.  Yomi just shook her head and smiled as she got pulled
along to the next display case.
        This case contained a meter-long golden scepter, topped by a
heart inset with a positively giant diamond, itself topped by an orb
with a cross.  The Great Star of Africa diamond, the largest gem cut
from the largest clear diamond ever found, glistened in the lights
inside the bulletproof glass case.
        ｢Pretty!｣ Yomi said.
        Tomo pushed forward through some tourists to get a better look.
｢Amazing!  I didn't know that Queen Elizabeth was a magical girl!｣
        ｢I really don't think so, Tomo.｣
        ｢Look, it's even shaped like a heart.  I bet her royal blood
allows her to activate the ancient magical jewel to bring happiness to
all of her subjects,｣ Tomo posited, her eyes entranced in adamant.
        ｢That card says that the gemstone was mined in 1905, and it's
one of the world's largest diamonds.｣
        ｢Stop ruining a sweet maiden's dreams with your stupid facts,
Yomi,｣ she pouted.  And then she immediately switched gears, saying,
｢Wait -- largest diamond?  This is exactly the kind of thing that person
would steal.｣
        Yomi watched curiously as Tomo began pacing the room, looking at
everybody around with suspicion.  Yomi soon decided she had enough
looking at jewels, so she walked back to Tomo to ask, ｢What on earth are
you doing?｣
        ｢Staying on guard, so Lupin doesn't steal the Crown Jewels.｣
        ｢A manga character is not going to steal anything, idiot.｣  This
time it was Yomi who dragged Tomo along -- out of the building by the
left arm, and out into daylight.
        As her arms were tugged outside, with her free hand raised in a
fist, Tomo declared, ｢I'll catch you next week, Lupin!｣

        They soon departed the castle, and trotted around the stone
walls back towards the London Underground station.
        Tomo had an inspiration for the next stop on their sightseeing
tour of the London, suggesting, ｢Hey Yomi, let's go see the Changing of
the Guard at Buckingham Palace.｣
        Yomi thought about this for a minute, and then responded
cheerily, ｢Can we go poke with the guards and see if we can get them to
move?｣
        ｢Exactly what I was thinking!｣  Tomo responded enthusiastically,
happy to have Yomi thinking on the same level.
        ｢Then we're not going,｣ Yomi said matter-of-factly.
        ｢I thought...  Hey, you tricked me!｣
        ｢Is that so,｣ she replied to Tomo's accusation with nonchalance.
        ｢But you secretly want to poke the guards and --｣
        ｢No.｣
        Tomo continued to appeal to Yomi with psychology, ｢But your
inner child --｣
        ｢-- wants to leave those people alone,｣ Yomi declared.  She had
seen that comedy bit one too many times, and had no desire to see it in
real life.
        Tomo would have protested longer, if not for the electronic
melody of her cellular phone.  She rummaged through one of the numerous
pockets in her coat, and answered the device.  "Moshi-mosh!  Ah, hello
Superintendent Mason."  Yomi perked up at the sound of his name, hoping
that the Metropolitan Police have a clue on their case, and listened to
Tomo's half of the call.  "Oh, that's good news." was soon followed by,
"Oh, that's bad news."  A moment later, she said, "That's terrible!
Okay, thanks, bye."
        She took a look at Yomi, who was tapping her foot impatiently,
waiting for a report.  Tomo switched back to her native tongue to
explain, ｢The good news is that they've finally issued an arrest warrant
for Julian Assange, so we can go arrest him now.｣
        ｢Alright!｣
        ｢But the bad news is that they don't have any more leads for us
yet.｣
        Yomi steeled herself for the very worst of the news, asking,
｢What was 'terrible'?｣
        ｢He just got back from taking his five-year-old daughter to the
dentist, and she cried the whole time.｣
        ｢Ah!｣ Yomi uttered, relieved.  Then she contemplated the idea of
a crying child, and agreed, ｢You're right, that is terrible.｣
        With the call from the police resolved, Tomo and Yomi resumed
walking towards the tube station.  Yomi asked, ｢Well, that still leaves
us the problem of where we're going to visit today.｣
        Tomo had yet another idea.  ｢Okay, Yomi likes books, so how
about we go to the British Library?｣
        ｢Now, that's a great suggestion.  But why would you want to go
there?｣
        ｢Oh, they have some rare books that I want to see.｣
        ｢Really?  That's so mature of you, Tomo.  Which books?｣
        ｢Cool secret books, like the one with all of the Clow Cards.
But we'd have to find the entrance to the British Library's hidden
underground base,｣ Tomo explained.
        Yomi's eyes narrowed as she turned to Tomo.
        ｢Good idea, huh?｣
        Yomi's answer came in the form of a flying kick, aimed at Tomo's
back.
        ｢Ow, ow, ow!｣ cried Tomo, as she rolled across the Tower Lawn.

        Eventually, Yomi decided that they would see the massive
collection of art and cultural artifacts at the British Museum.  The
British Library had moved to its own separate location a few years back,
so fortunately Yomi did not have to yank Tomo out of any "museum staff
only" areas.
        They explored the floors of the building without any real
purpose in mind, just setting out to examine any piece of culture that
caught their fancy.  While walking through long halls displaying friezes
of carved stone taken from the Acropolis, Yomi stopped to admire a pale
marble statue of a young Greek man who must have lived over two thousand
years ago.  Even though one of his arms had been lost to the ages, the
talent of the sculptor was clear.  Yomi looked at every detail on the
athletic nude, impressed that he seemed lifelike to this day.
        Tomo hopped up behind Yomi, standing on tiptoes to see over her
shoulders.  ｢Hey, quit staring at his package, Yomi.｣
        Yomi's face turned a bright shade of red from simultaneous anger
and embarassment.  ｢That's not it!  It's called art appreciation,
dimwit.｣
        ｢Ah.｣  Tomo looked at the nude marble for a moment, quietly
taking in the workmanship.  She looked at the fine details that seemed
to bring the statue to life.  ｢You're right, I can appreciate his
package, too.｣
        Yomi took the chance to suggest that they visit another section
of the museum.  They went up to the top level to see the exhibits of
Japanese artifacts, after which they worked their way back downstairs.
        They came into a hall of ancient relics, and at its heart sat
one of the most important of Egyptian antiquities, the Rosetta Stone.
The stone is a giant block of dark black granite, inscribed in three
different alphabets, and it was once the key to unraveling the secrets
of the Nile Valley.  Before its discovery, hundreds of mystics and
charlatans had claimed the ability to decypher Egyptian hieroglyphs, but
none had come close to a true translation.
        This fact was not enough to stop yet another pretender from
claiming literacy with the pictographs.  ｢I don't see why they needed
this rock to translate Egyptian.  It's just pictures!｣ Tomo declared.
        ｢Oh really?  Since you're an expert at manga, I guess you should
be able to translate.  What does that part say?｣ Yomi challenged,
pointing to a random point on the stele.
        Tomo leaned down and studied the section of hieroglyphs that
Yomi was pointing out on the stone.  The first hieroglyph was a bird,
the next one a kind of upward pointing trapezoid, and the final one a
long wavy flat shape.
        Tomo squinted, and leaned towards the display to get a closer
look.  After a moment, she concluded with confidence, ｢It says that the
hawk ate an eggplant on top of Mount Fuji.｣
        Yomi teased, ｢Why did it do that, pray tell?  Couldn't it catch
a snake or something?｣
        ｢Well, that's because it was a vegetarian hawk.  Ancient
Egyptian wildlife was very enlightened, ya know.｣
        ｢Enlightened enough get a better translator than you, I hope.｣

                                3:00 PM
        Having had their fill of looking at display cases and artwork,
the young detectives departed the British Museum to find something else
to do. As they walked down the front steps of the museum, the bells of a
distant clocktower sounded the hour.  At the thought of hearing chimes
in London, Yomi started reciting an old nursery rhyme:
          "Oranges and lemons,
           Say the bells of St. Clement's.
           You owe me five farthings,
           Say the bells of St. Martin's."
        ｢What's that, Yomi?｣
        ｢Oh, just something I read in a book a long time ago.｣  As they
continued walking, Yomi's mind began to contemplate oranges and lemons,
and the thought of the sweet fruit started to make her hungry for some
kind of fancy-sounding cake.  After another minute of contemplating an
empty stomach, Yomi asked her companion, ｢Hey, do you want to go to an
English tea shop and get high tea?｣
        "High tea?"  Tomo rested her chin on her left hand to consider,
before exclaiming, "High tea! High tea!"
        Yomi had been around her friend long enough to interpret Tomo's
episodes of idiocy, so she took the response as an affirmative.  ｢Let's
ask around for a tea shop.｣
        Tomo followed behind, parroting, "High tea, drinking high
tea..."
        The pair discovered a posh tea shop, where by chance someone had
cancelled their reservation.  They seized the opportunity that fate had
bestowed upon them, and eagerly accepted a small table near the front,
covered with the whitest linen.
        Yomi placed an order for a pot of the Darjeeling blend, which
was soon served in a pair of gold-edged china cups patterned with red
and yellow roses.  Yomi poured a bit of milk into her tea, while Tomo
watched a sugar cube dissolve into her teacup.  
        Despite Tomo's insistent use of "high tea", they were instead
served an afternoon tea, served without a major meat dish.  They were
brought an assortment of cookies, scones, jams, little cakes, and finger
sandwiches all on a tiered platter.  The sandwiches confused Tomo to no
end, ｢Seriously.  Who makes a cucumber sandwich?｣
        ｢If you don't want yours, I'll eat it.｣
        Tomo obliged, and filled up on sweets instead.        As the afternoon
stretched on, she sighed.  ｢Man, this city is too big!  There's no way
we can see all of it on our day off, is there?｣
        Yomi stared out the window stoically, but then was hit with a
bit of inspiration.  ｢I think it might be possible,｣ she said with a
knowing smile.
        ｢Oh yeah, time travel!  Did you see the TARDIS?｣ Tomo queried
insistently. She looked outside with her hand across her brow, asking
｢Where?  Where?｣
        ｢No, you idiot!  I mean up there,｣ she explained, pointing out
the giant London Eye Ferris wheel against the sky line.  ｢We should be
able to see the whole city from up there.｣
        ｢Good idea, Yomi.  We should be able to see it from there.  It's
a big blue box, about this tall --｣ she stretched to a hand out to
measure an imaginary police box ｢-- and it always shows up in London.｣
        Koyomi couldn't take the idiocy any longer, and punched Tomo in
the arm.  ｢Come on, let's just go take a nice relaxing ride in the
Ferris wheel.｣

        After a short hop in the Tube to Waterloo station, the girls
easily spotted the Ferris wheel and walked towards the waterline.  The
London Eye is a massive 120 meter circle of steel, supporting thirty-two
capsule-shaped gondolas which rotate along its edges.  It floats above
the edge of the River Thames, supported by a cantilevered structure and
thick steel cables tethered to the land.
        Tomo strained her neck to look up at the immense white wheel
which dominated the skyline.  ｢Whoa.  It's so big and... round.  I think
it's even bigger than Daikanransha!｣  Her guess was correct; the London
Eye bested Tokyo's Ferris wheel by five meters in diameter.
        They strolled into the Jubilee Gardens, where a hundred canopies
had been erected on the lawn beneath the great wheel.  Yomi started
looking around at the contents of the little merchants' booths, and
things started to look a little bit too familiar.  One was selling
kimonos, another displayed goods with Hello Kitty and Keroppi, and one
even had goldfish catching.
        ｢Hey look Yomi!｣  Tomo pointed to a sign that proclaimed the
Japanese Pop Culture Festival.  ｢It's been so long since I went to a
real Japanese-style festival.  This is going to be awesome!｣  She then
started skipping off in a random direction, completely forgetting her
goal of riding the Ferris wheel.  It hadn't been quite so long for Yomi
-- she had toured an Obon festival with some coworkers a few months back
-- but she was intrigued at how foreigners would represent Japanese
culture.
        Like any good Japanese matsuri, this festival had a booth
selling masks, though less than half of them looked like they were
derived from Japanese folklore.  The majority of the masks looked like
they were Halloween surplus depicting Western monsters: werewolf,
vampire, zombie, and Richard Nixon.
        However, Tomo's eyes were drawn to a particular mask shaped like
a medieval shield, its face pale white with rosy cheeks.  A thin
mustache and goatee bounded the eerie smile of the Guy Fawkes mask.
"Cool, I've been wanting one of these for years."
        "Is that some kind of English Oni?" Yomi asked the owner of the
stall.
        Tomo interrupted to answer the question in her own way, "Oh
yeah, this is totally an important monster from English history named
Fawkes."
        "Huh.  It has the squinty eyes I guess, but it doesn't really
look like a fox.  How do you defeat one of these?"
        The shopkeeper decided to play along, saying, "I guess the
traditional way is to light a bonfire and quarter the body."
        "Ugh," Yomi grumbled, "Why are these folk stories always so
gruesome?" 
        Tomo took a couple of bills out of her pocket and bought the
mask, mumbling something about "delurking" that Yomi didn't quite catch.
They walked to the end of the row of tent stalls; Tomo looked quite
pleased with her new purchase.  She donned the mask, and looked out
across the River Thames towards Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament,
her friend blissfully unaware of the mischief in Tomo's heart.
        This state lasted for about ten seconds, before Yomi noted,
｢Look, they even have takoyaki here.｣
        Tomo shedded the mask and cheered, ｢Yay, I haven't had takoyaki
in ages!  But wait, we just ate high tea and I'm not hungry.  But it's
so delicious!  But so full from high tea.｣
        ｢Tomo, indecisive on food?  This is the reverse of normal.｣
        ｢It's because I haven't had takoyaki in like fifty-three years,｣
she complained, homesick for her native foods.  Tomo sniffed the air,
and the fragrance of frying oil wafted in to her nose.  And then her
face collapsed into a forlorn look.  ｢I... I just can't do it!｣ she
declared, extending her hand as if to push away the takoyaki stand.
        Yomi pondered whether this experience would help Tomo to
empathize with Yomi's daily struggles with dieting.  <Nope.  It won't
change a thing,> Yomi's thoughts despaired.
        ｢Stupid high tea, no takoyaki...｣ Tomo muttered, but her voice
didn't carry above the sound of amplified musical instruments tuning up.
The noise drew their attention to a wooden outdoor stage on the north
side of the gardens, where a band consisting of five Japanese
schoolgirls were preparing to play a set.  Yomi was interested to see
what kind of high school band was selected to play in England, so she
strolled on the grass in the direction of the stage.
        The band members were all dressed in the uniform of Sakurakou
High School, with navy blue jackets embellished with brass buttons over
an ecru sweater, along with slate blue pleated skirts.  All but one wore
a small blue bow signifying their senior class standing; their lone
kouhai, Azusa Nakano, wore a red ribbon.  After a little bit of
bickering with a brunette teacher nearly as tall as Sakaki, Yamanaka
Sawako, the drummer laid down a beat and the band started their first
song.
           /♪  Sakurakou Light Music Club   "Fuwafuwa Time"
                   _K-ON!! Ho-kago Tea Time II_  ♪/
        Yomi couldn't help but to tap her feet at the song about young
love and fluffy stuffed animals, set to a driving beat.  Their sound was
unrefined, but it suited the sweet, uncomplicated joy of their music.
Yomi glanced over at Tomo, who was rocking back and forth with the beat,
and decided that they might as well listen to the concert.  After the
song ended, the singer in front with the black pantyhose, Yui Hirasawa,
tried to introduce the band, "We-tachi aa Houkago Tea Taimu!  London wa
very interestingu!"  She followed up that attempt at English with a
question to her bandmates, ｢Did I get that right?｣
        Everyone else seemed more or less happy with her English skills,
since they didn't matter much anyway.  They weren't huge stars, after
all.  Still, their music set a happy mood, so they eagerly launched into
their next song, "Don't Say Lazy".  For this tune, Afterschool Tea
Time's lead singer was the taller, shy-looking girl, Mio Akiyama.
        Yomi felt like she had to comment, ｢Ah ouch... their English is
kind of painful.  Wouldn't you think the blonde one would be better at
English?  Why don't they have her do the talking?｣ she asked, referring
to the keyboardist, Tsumugi Kotubuki.
        ｢Why?  She's probably from Finland.｣
        ｢Finland.  Really?｣ Yomi stated, incredulous.
        ｢Well yeah.  You can tell by her thick eyebrows.｣
        Yomi punched Tomo in the ear, stating, ｢That's stupid!｣  But on
reconsideration, she decided the good news was that for a police
officer, Tomo was completely inept at racial profiling.  And yet
somehow, Miss 32%-on-exams actually spoke English fairly well, much
better than the girls on stage.  Perhaps it was simply from daily use at
work.  But Yomi soon stopped pondering the Mysteries of the Tomo, and
lost herself in the lyrics of the song.
        As the high-schoolers played their songs, the sun slowly sank
down across the river, casting a golden glow on to the stage.  Behind
the enthusiastic drummer, Ritsu Tainaka, was a patchwork sign heralding
the Japanese Pop Culture Festival.  As the band sang their hearts out,
Yomi sat on the grass, absorbed in the upbeat music; a smiling Tomo sat
beside her, her head resting on Yomi's shoulder.
        A small crowd milled about them, perhaps thirty people -- some
listening, some chatting, a couple picnicking, and some just passing
through.  Nearly all of them were Londoners, and had no idea what the
Japanese girls' band was singing about.  But music is a kind of a
universal language, and all who listened seemed to sense the joy in the
compositions being performed.
        The band only played a few more songs, because they had to catch
a flight home.  So they finished up with "Rice as a Side Dish", an ode
to their favorite starch.  The song's topic was right up Yomi's alley,
though she laughed a little bit at the silly lyrics.  In a flash she
recalled that she started her day unhappily, she was surprised to
realize how much she was enjoying herself, and how distant the prior
doubts seemed.  The cheery pop music, performed by travelers from her
distant homeland, made the world feel that much smaller to her.  As the
band closed with their final power chords, Yomi felt renewed by the
feeling that she was not so far from home after all.
        The outdoor concert ended even more quickly than it started --
the girls rapidly packed up their instruments and scampered off to catch
their flight home.  Left behind were two Interpol detectives on the lawn
in the fading twilight.  Yomi rousted her friend Tomo, who had made use
of Yomi's lap as a pillow, then stood and stretched.
        ｢I guess we should go ride the Ferris wheel now,｣ Tomo proposed.
        ｢Actually, I'm starting to get a little cold.  Maybe we should
go back to the hotel and change clothes.｣
        ｢Oh, okay,｣ she said with mild disappointment.
        ｢Don't worry.  Maybe we'll go see a play tonight.｣
        ｢Cool.  Sounds fun!  Besides, we can always ride the wheel
tomorrow.｣

        Back at their hotel, the girls set about adjusting their
wardrobe.  Tomo didn't need much to ward off the cold -- she simply
threw on a sweater, and put her long coat back on.  While Yomi slipped
some slacks on, she asked, ｢Any idea what play you want to see?｣
        ｢Uh... no clue.｣
        Yomi went to examine the attractions booklet provided by the
hotel, and looked over some of her options.  She briefly considered
going to see the West End production of Wicked, but quickly decided to
avoid anything that might encourage Tomo to "defy gravity" -- that could
only end in tragedy.  Instead she suggested, ｢Why not see a Shakespeare
play?｣
        "Ooh! Ooh! Romeo and Juliet!" Tomo enthused.
        ｢Is that the only one you know?｣
        ｢Of course not.  I know lots of them... like isn't there a
Scottish one?｣
        ｢So that is the only one,｣  Yomi confirmed as she put on her
shoes.
        ｢You wound me, Yomi,｣ Tomo complained.  She picked up the remote
controller off the bed and held it before her, reciting "Oh happy
dagger..." and pretending to plunge it into her chest.  She dramatically
collapsed on the bed and lied there motionless -- at least until her
nose itched.
        Yomi managed to ignore the whole skit, as she put on her jacket
and wrapped a red knit scarf around her neck to keep herself warm on
this December night.  After a bit of touch-up to their hair, they set
out into the evening.
        They drove out to the theater district in the West End of
London, and got tickets to a production of Much Ado About Nothing.  Tomo
didn't exactly see the point in going to a play that says it's about
nothing in the title, but she yielded to Yomi's insistence and went
along with the plan.
        And, as Yomi predicted, Tomo did have a good time at the play --
at least if galloping out of the theater singing "Hey nonny nonny" was
any indication.  Fortunately for Yomi, the song abated when Tomo started
the rental car's engine, meaning it wasn't going to be her annoying
catchphrase of the night.
        To pass the time on the trip back to the hotel, Yomi chatted
with her friend, ｢See, that play was a lot of fun.｣ 
        ｢Mmm,｣ came Tomo's affirmative.
        Yomi didn't hear the objection she wanted from Tomo, so she
ended up bringing it up herself.  ｢But I just don't understand how
Benedick and Beatrice fall in love when they obviously hate each other.｣
        ｢Well, hate is as intense as love,｣ Tomo explained.
        ｢Sure, but they shouldn't just change their mind on a whim.｣
        ｢I know.  Something like that would take years to realize.｣
        ｢And those two just decide to like each other right away,｣ Yomi
grumbled.
        Tomo continued, ｢Without going through a long period where their
feelings are very confused, and they're not sure if they're real
feelings.｣
        ｢Exactly!｣ Yomi agreed.
        ｢But... it is a good story,｣ Tomo mumbled, not expecting a
reply.  Indeed, she didn't get one, and the car sped silently into the
night.

                                11:11 PM
                    Near Waterloo Station, Lambeth
         /♪ Simon & Garfunkel   "A Poem on the Underground Wall" ♪/

        A man dressed in black, with a black laptop bag strapped around
his shoulder, crept through the shadows.  The hacker, known online as
Mal-2, was on his way to pick up the night's data delivery at the behest
of his friend in WikiLeaks.  The data would include yet another a batch
of secret documents from the United States, with the names newly
redacted to protect the diplomats from reprisals.
        His blonde ponytail swung out as he swiftly turned a corner.  He
felt fairly safe walking around outside -- it was far too dark in the
alley and tunnel pursuit for those two girl coppers chasing him to have
identified him.  Still, he decided to hurry on to the safe house, where
his guest had been lying low for the past couple weeks.
        The place itself had been quite a discovery -- free rooms,
electricity, and even an internet connection he could hack into from an
adjacent London Underground station.  The hacking part hadn't been much
of a problem for him; after all, he had found the place while pouring
through the engineering plans he had discovered on a transportation
department server.  And best of all, no one would go crawling through
the tunnels of the old and condemned section of a World War II air-raid
shelter.  It was cold, dank, and dingy, but it was the perfect place for
him to hide the fugitive, Julian Assange.  Well, perhaps it would only
be -perfect- if it had a vending machine stocked with Doritos, but it
was still pretty good.
        Another figure in the darkness, hooded and masked, heard Malcolm
Thomas' hurried footsteps.  The graffiti artist hadn't been expecting to
hear anyone coming at this time of night, and thus rushed to pack
spray-paints and stencils into a duffel bag.  Banksy took a last look at
the wall, before moving to depart.
        Malcolm closed on the same spot, turned the corner, and saw only
an empty sidewalk.  The wall itself looked quite different than he was
used to, its cracked white paint now decorated with the damp pigment of
a newly finished artwork.  In dripping red letters the wall read:
                            IF GRAFFITI
                          CHANGED ANYTHING
                             –IT WOULD
                             BE ILLEGAL
        Mal laughed at the message, thinking about all of the things in
his life that had been made illegal at the behest of those in power.  He
silently nodded his thanks to the image of the rat in the corner, who
had apparently been the scribe of the message, as its front feet were
covered in the red paint used to write the slogan.
        Meanwhile, the true artist had escaped into the shadows of a
dark passageway, and was engaged in changing clothes.  Removing the
balaclava, Banksy revealed her beautiful face, with a tiny nose, topped
off by a blonde hair shorn into a pixie cut.  She stuffed the mask in
the bag, and hurried to drape her cobalt blue cocktail dress over her
tall, lanky figure.  She finished off her alter ego's look with ruby
earrings, knowing that it would fool all of her sycophant socialite
"friends".  Her pale blue eyes pierced through the darkness, making sure
that no one was watching her, before setting off into the night.
        Neither Tomo nor Yomi took any special notice of the woman
walking past as their car motored through the shadowy nighttime streets.
Tomo had almost made it back to the hotel, before she decided to take a
detour to the north.  As they neared their destination, they slowed down
to take a look out to the Jubilee Gardens.
        ｢See, I told you the takoyaki stand wouldn't still be there!｣
There were a few vacant stands and tents still in the park, along with
the outdoor stage, but the festival had ended hours ago.
        ｢Damn it!  I wanted them so bad!｣ Tomo pouted.  ｢I guess it's a
chip shop for me.｣
        She began driving away, but after a few second Yomi grabbed her
attention, ｢Slow down!  I see something.｣
        ｢Takoyaki?｣
        ｢No, that man over there.｣  She pointed a short distance down
the road at the man with the ponytail and laptop bag, walking in the
shadows.  ｢That's him.  Thomas.  He even has the same sticker of a
penguin on his laptop bag.｣
        ｢That penguin is getting more common.  Are you sure?｣ Tomo
asked.
        ｢I was running after him for five minutes; I know what he looks
like from behind!｣
        ｢Does he have a nice butt?｣
        ｢Shut up!｣ Yomi growled.  And then she looked down, mumbling an
answer to the question anyway: ｢... Maybe.｣
        Tomo drove a little further behind the man she was now tailing,
to avoid suspicion.  This only lasted for about a minute; he soon opened
a metal door facing the sidewalks and disappeared inside the cinder
block building.
        ｢Go!  Let's go!  We have to go after him!｣  Yomi's anger rose at
the man who had gotten away from her.
        Tomo parked the car and said, ｢Let's get ready.｣  She walked to
the trunk of the car and retrieved the gun belts she had stashed there,
just in case.  Yomi felt nervous having the sidearm fastened to her
waist, as they still seemed like something only violent foreigners would
use.  But her desire to catch that annoying Englishman overcame her
apprehension, and she even checked the safety, just like America had
taught her.
        The pair of Interpol officers examined the portal into which
Malcolm Thomas Jr had disappeared, a steel door set in concrete block
bearing a sign stating "Authorised Personnel Only".  The black-haired
detective stuck her hand inside her trenchcoat, and pulled out her
handgun, while the taller colleague put her palm on the doorknob.  At
Tomo's signal, Yomi yanked the door open, and Tomo jumped forth, aiming
her weapon inside.
        However, Tomo only saw darkness.  She fished around her pockets
for a flashlight, which revealed a long narrow passageway heading
straight back, ending at a set of descending stairs.  Tomo deduced,
｢This must lead to his underground lair.｣
        ｢Oh, naturally,｣ Yomi said sarcastically, not wanting to believe
Tomo's absurd declaration.  She reminded herself that Thomas' knowledge
of the undercity had made things difficult in the past, but the idea of
villains with underground lairs still sounded absurd.
        ｢Okay, here's the plan.  We have the element of surprise, so
I'll seduce him with my feminine wiles, and then you jump out and
handcuff him.｣
        ｢I'll be ready to chase him down after he discovers the extent
of your feminine wiles.｣
        Tomo had stopped listening, and instead took point, moving down
the aisle with her weapon drawn and flashlight forward.  She silently
traversed the passage and descended the stairs, her partner following
close behind.  They entered a larger chamber, not tall, but wide enough
to provide a refuge for at least two hundred people during the Blitz.
The room was dimly lit by a pair of the swirly compact fluorescent
bulbs, because whoever kept this underground lair also believed in
saving the planet from global warming.
        The detectives were startled by a resounding low-pitched noise,
followed by the entire bomb shelter beginning to shake.  Their bodies
grew tenser as the noise grew closer.  And then, they relaxed once they
could make out the muffled but telltale sound of a passing London
Underground train, which soon passed through the adjacent tunnel and
onto its destination.
        In the quiet, the women turned their attention to the three
closed doors in the room, all against the right side.  Tomo approached
the first one, and heard the hum of small fans along with the irregular
clicking of hands on a keyboard.  She began flailing her arms wildly,
gesturing at the door, waving the flashlight, and making what appeared
to be a baseball coach's instructions to pitch a curveball next.  Yomi
flawlessly translated the Tomoese Sign Language using her years of
experience (along with plenty of situational context), and so prepared
to open the door for Tomo.
        Inside the room, Julian Assange stood up from his computer and
stretched his arms.  The tall, white-haired forty-year-old plodded
across the room to the coffee-maker, to try to wake himself up.  He
poured himself a fresh cup of joe, and turned back towards his makeshift
desk of concrete blocks and finished plywood.
        The door burst open, and two Japanese women burst through the
door.  The shorter one, with her raven hair in a flip and wearing a long
khaki trenchcoat, pointed her gun at him and shouted, "Everyone freeze!
Police!"  Assange was taken completely by surprise, and dropped his
coffee cup.  With a crash, it hit the concrete floor and shattered into
a hundred tiny ceramic shards.
        The other, sharply dressed one, with square glasses that parted
her long brown hair cried, "It's Assange!"
        The first officer announced, "Hello, I'm Inspector Tomo Takino,
Interpol Cyber Crimes Division, and I'll be your arresting officer this
evening."
        The taller girl glared at her, then added, "I'm Koyomi Mizuhara,
and you're under arrest for rape and other charges in Sweden."
        He interrupted Koyomi, "You don't really believe this is about
rape, do you?"
        Tomo replied, "We're just following orders, Mr. Assange."
        Assange rankled at the phrase.  "Just following orders is what
keeps dictators in power, and keeps power out of the hands of the people
in democracy.  Can't you see that you're just pawns of the Americans?
Arresting me on trumped up charges?"
        Tomo asked, "Well, why would they make up the charges?"
        "To keep themselves in power, they want to silence those who
want to speak the truth..."  Assange embarked into a verbal manifesto on
information sharing, government, and the media.  Tomo appeared to be
listening intently, despite the fact that she was still holding a
firearm.
        Yomi decided that enough was enough, and walked behind Assange,
who was still explaining global information geopolitics to Tomo.  She
unclipped her shiny new handcuffs from her belt, and started to cuff
Assange just the way that Deputy Chief Scarpa had shown her.
        She reached down to cuff his hands, but he raised his hands
above his head to make a particularly passionate point to Tomo.  Since
he still seemed unaware of her presence, she reached up high to cuff him
there -- but again he changed gestures, this time pointing at Tomo and
accusing her of being a cog in the machine.
        Yomi lost her temper and interrupted his monologue, and yelled,
"Can you stand still so I can handcuff you, please?"
        To her surprise, another voice from behind Tomo replied, "I
don't think anyone's getting arrested today."
        Yomi looked on in shock as the man who had led them down into
the bomb shelter held a gun to Tomo's back.  Tomo's expression changed
to a goofy grin, and she scratched her head with her free hand.  "Oh
yeah, I forgot about him."
        Malcolm Thomas, Jr told Assange, "Let's get out of here, mate.
I don't think we'll be able to stay here any longer."
        "I'm not so sure that this is a good idea, Mal."
        Thomas had long been concerned about data security, especially
anything that could incriminate himself.  There exist many programs that
allow one to overwrite data on magnetic media many times to help prevent
recovery.  But with expert analysis, there still is a small chance that
the original data could be recovered.  The only sure way to delete data
is to destroy the drive entirely.
        To that end, he removed a small device from his pocket, and
pressed a pair of buttons.  A crate in the corner of the room started
beeping ominously.  "It's really not safe to stay here.  The
self-destruct system will go off in three minutes."
        Assange punched Thomas in the arm, saying, "That was your
project?  What the hell, man?"
        "It's for data security.  You know, so the police don't use our
files against us," Thomas explained.
        Assange yelled, "What about the people in the subway system next
door?"
        Thomas didn't really have an answer for him, so he just said
"Ummm... explosion... we need to go *now*!"
        Assange sighed and muttered a complaint about "collateral
damage" as he and Thomas exited the room.  Thomas slammed the door
behind as he left, just to buy them some lead time to escape.
        As soon as the latch clicked in the door, Yomi cried, "We've got
to get out of here and catch them."  She dashed at the door and opened
it, her face red with rage.
        "Yomi!  There's a bomb, and innocent people could be hurt!" Tomo
scolded, which was enough to get her partner to stop.
        Tomo lifted the lid on the crate, and uncovered the source of
the incessant beeping: an electronics breadboard configured to create a
simple timer.  A set of red digits wired onto the board were flashed
2:42, counting down seconds.  Below the timing circuit sat several
bricks of C4 explosive, taped to the circuit board with an ungodly
amount of duct tape.
        Yomi at the device with fear evident in her eyes.  ｢Which wire
do you cut?｣
        Tomo looked at the device quizzically.  It didn't have red and
black wires like in the movies.  Instead, the wires were blue, orange,
green, blue, brown, and striped -- evidently taken from a spool of
CAT-5e cable.  She responded, ｢How the heck am I supposed to know?  Blue
is your favorite color, right?｣
        ｢I always knew you'd be the death of me, Tomo-baka.｣
        Tomo saw that the device seemed to be self-contained, and easily
lifted it out of the wooden crate.  The bomb wasn't exceptionally heavy,
but it filled Tomo's petite arms.  ｢Come on, Yomi!  Let's take it
somewhere it can't do any damage.｣
        Yomi's thoughts finally organized themselves, and she understood
Tomo's plan.  ｢The River!｣  The bomb continued to beep as the timer
counted past 2:20.
                /♪  Pat Benatar   "Invincible"  ♪/
        Tomo raced to the stairs, carrying the bomb out of the
underground passage.  Despite her fast pace, her longer-legged partner
was able to follow right behind.
        Certainly, Yomi was the faster runner -- and the strongest of
the two -- yet she never suggested that she carry the explosives
instead.   Her wits were almost paralysed by the power of destruction
that lay in Tomo's hands; at the time, she could hardly believe that she
wasn't running in the exact opposite direction of the bomb.  
        In spite of her fears, she followed as Tomo exited the shelter
and jumped out into the street.  A passing car swerved to avoid hitting
her, its tires screeching against the asphalt as it came to a sudden
stop.  Undaunted, Tomo continued racing as the timer flashed 1:34.
        Yomi kept pace with Tomo as she dashed towards the Thames.  They
rounded the bend in the road, and sprinted up the street into the
Jubilee Gardens.  Tomo carried the explosive device straight towards the
London Eye and the water beyond, while running at the fastest sustained
speed Yomi had ever seen the girl run.
        Yet, as they made their way through the leftover tents and boxes
from the Japanese Pop Culture Festival, Yomi feared it wouldn't be
enough.  She looked at the timer when they were halfway across the park,
which read 0:23.  Yomi screamed, ｢Twenty seconds!  We're not going to
make it.｣
        Tomo said, ｢I've got this!｣  She lifted the bomb with one hand,
and from over her head, threw it towards the river, yelling "*TOMO GIGA
BOMB BUSTER!!!*"
        But, at over sixty meters to the waterline, there was no way the
long bomb would actually make it to the river, given the limits of
Tomo's athletic ability.   The explosives landed not far away in a empty
metal basin, which had been left behind by the goldfish-catching booth.
Thrown off balance by the toss, Tomo collapsed to the earth in a heap,
her energy spent.
        Yomi surveyed the terrible scene in front of her.  The bomb sat
atop one end of a makeshift table, supported by a sawhorse at each end.
The timer counted down to eleven seconds.  She looked down at Tomo,
lying on the ground, and decided that there was no possible way she
could get up and out of the bomb's explosive radius in time.
        The sight of her friend prone, at the mercy of a package of C4
about to explode, was nearly too much for Yomi to bear.  She forgot her
fear; she never thought about saving herself.  The anger cleared her
mind, and focused her thoughts on one objective: <Tomo is not going to
die here.>  
        Yomi looked at how the bomb was positioned, recalled her high
school physics lessons, and suddenly the solution became clear.  And
then Yomi did a thing that, on later reflection, was the single most
idiotic thing she had ever done in her life: she ran full tilt towards a
bomb set to explode in eight seconds.
        She finished her dash with a giant leap towards the opposite end
of the makeshift table bearing the explosive device.  Yomi's shoes
grabbed on to the board, and she put her entire weight down on the very
edge of the wooden plank.  She tucked into a ball, adding every bit of
leverage she could muster to the bomb which sat on the other end of the
wood.  The plank pivoted on the sawhorse next to Yomi and tilted up
rapidly, launching the bomb-in-a-washtub into the cool night air --
directly towards the Ferris wheel.
        With all of her momentum imparted to the board, Yomi fell to the
soft grass on her back.  She watched the bomb fly higher into the air as
the final two seconds counted off of the clock.  Her last thought before
the explosion was another physics calculation, <At least the all that
weight I gained on this trip will make that bomb fly higher.>
        An enormous fireball flooded the park with light, as the roar of
the detonated bomb saturated the park.  The metal tub shaped the
explosion upward, protecting Yomi from most of the effects of the blast
-- before it disintegrated into shrapnel and embedded itself into the
ground two meters from her location.
        The brunt of the explosion was instead directed towards several
of the cables supporting the London Eye.  The heat of the blast melted
the several of the thick steel cables supporting the cantilevered
structure, causing them to break loose.  The tension in the wires was
suddenly released, and the heavy steel snapped back with vengeance.  One
of the cables snapped a large branch off of a tree, while another
wrecked six festival canopies.  The remaining cables groaned with their
increased burden, struggling to support the giant Ferris wheel.
        Tomo called out, ｢Yomi, are you okay?｣
        ｢I'm okay.｣  Yomi's rear end was smarting from her fall off the
improvised catapult, but she had escaped the blast essentially unharmed.
        From the other end of the park, a man's voice cried out, "What
the hell was that, mate?"
        Tomo jumped to her feet and searched out the source of the
voice.  She spied two men across the field, close to the waterline.
"It's Thomas and Assange!"  She drew her weapon and ran across the park,
demanding, "Give it up.  You'll never escape from Tomo Takino!"
        The rejection to her request couldn't have been clearer:  A
gunshot rang out from behind a park bench, and grazed the side of Tomo's
arm.
        ｢Itaaaiii!｣ Tomo screamed, and dropped her gun to grip the small
wound on her upper left arm.
        ｢Unforgivable.｣  Koyomi Mizuhara had decided she had just about
enough violent nonsense from Malcolm Thomas Jr.  She stood up, leaned
forward towards the massive steel wheel, and carefully aimed her pistol
at the men.  "Nobody hurts Tomo!" she cried across the field.  "That's
my job."
            /♪  Nakahara Meiko  "Russian Roulette"  ♪/
        The anger in Yomi's eyes flared hot enough, it could have melted
her glasses right off.  The tension flowed into her arms, then her
hands, and then to her trigger finger.  Yomi fired round after round,
unloading her entire ammunition clip.  The first shot traveled in the
general direction of Thomas, but with each subsequent firing, the recoil
shoved her arms in a new random direction as she struggled to maintain
control of the gun.  The Ferris wheel resounded with the sound of
bullets striking glass, metal, wood, and electronics -- just about
anything other than the flesh of Yomi's targets.
        A subsequent forensic analysis on the crime scene conducted by
Scotland Yard produced inconclusive results, since the probability that
the trajectory of the few recovered bullets had ricocheted so many times
was, well, astronomical.  It was entirely possible that a bullet had
embedded itself in an already weakened steel cable, causing another of
the London Eye's supports to snap.  But the idea that a single bullet
could criss-cross the Ferris wheel's control systems and activate the
motors above its top-speed was something of a stretch.  The scientists
did not even imagine that Yomi's third bullet had hit a steel bolt at
the exact angle to unscrew it, ricochet, and repeat the process on a
second bolt.  The forensic analysis could only conclude that they did
not recover sufficient evidence to produce accurate results due to the
condition of the crime scene.
        Julian Assange dropped to the ground, waiting for the sound of
bullets hitting steel to stop.  The situation was now really worrying
him, since he much preferred fighting with words than weapons.  He
didn't even look behind to notice the Ferris wheel accelerating rapidly.
        "Missed me, copper!" Malcolm Thomas shouted as he jumped back
up.
        Assange analysed the situation: he was in the middle of the
shooting match with the police, and he was pretty clearly on the wrong
side.  At that moment, there seemed to him only one sensible thing to
do.  He stood up, pulled his arm back, thrust forward, and hit his
friend Malcolm straight in the jaw.
        Malcolm dropped the gun, and Assange kicked it into the grass.
Mal whined, "Bloody hell, what was that for?"
        Assange called, "We surrender!"
        "Yes!" Tomo said, as she ran across the field to arrest the men.
The blaring of police sirens, attracted by the explosion, steadily grew
as patrol units swarmed towards the area.  As they approached, the night
breeze grew stronger, blowing a chill wind across the river.
        Yomi cuffed Thomas and pinned him to the ground.  Tomo pointed
her gun at Assange, "The game is up.  You're under arrest!"
        But Assange had his final ploy prepared.  "I'm warning you:  If
you arrest me now, my fallback plan will execute automatically.  The
encryption key to unlock all of the United States' most sensitive
documents will be released at midnight tonight, unless I input my access
code.  Are you sure your American handlers would want that to happen?"        
        Yomi considered the words with horror, as she remembered that
Chief Aramaki had specifically warned her about such a plan.  Tomo's
eyes became intense for a moment, as she contemplated his words.  Then
she laughed, waving off the idea.  "Aren't you accused of date rape or
something?  Like a woman would trust anything coming from your mouth,
geez."  A gust of wind whipped her short hair behind her head
dramatically, as she slapped the cuffs on his wrists.  "You're under
arrest for rape and stuff, Julian Assange."
        That same gust of wind increased the strain on the structure of
the London Eye, weakened by the explosion, to its breaking point.
Another steel cable snapped, and the entire structure drifted closer to
the surface of the water.  Yet the motor control, damaged by one of
Yomi's stray bullets, continued to crank the engines full throttle.
        The carefully engineered structure of the Ferris wheel could no
longer sustain the strain.  With an enormous creak and groan, the steel
was rent apart, and the entire wheel detached from its support
structure.  The giant Ferris wheel splashed into the Thames, still
spinning as it plunged down.
        ｢Ah, crap.  Not again!｣ Tomo moaned.
        When the London Eye touched down onto the river bed, the wheel
began rolling upstream, crossing the Thames diagonally.  The officers
and their captives looked on in awe as the wheel made a bee-line for Big
Ben and the Houses of Parliament.  It churned the river like an gigantic
water-wheel, its rotational intertia driving it ever closer to the great
clock atop Elizabeth Tower.
        Transfixed by the impending doom of the House of Commons, a
thousand thoughts raced through Yomi's head.  But the thought that
jumped out the most at her was the idea of her taking up taking up
permanent residence in the Tower of London with no chance of parole.
The flashing blue lights of police cars flooded the Jubilee Gardens, as
Yomi felt her life slipping away.
        Thankfully, the water retarded the wheel's progress as it rose
towards the opposite shore.  The London Eye had just enough momentum to
make it to Westminster Bridge, where it came to rest against the
crossing's side.
        ｢Tomo, you idiot!｣ Yomi screamed, as her partner breathed a sigh
of relief.  It was then that police officers surrounded the four with
their weapons drawn.

        D.I. Michelle Hayward was calmly watching the telly in bed next
to her husband, who had just nodded off.  She was considering turning in
for the night herself when her cellular phone rang.  She grasped at the
nightstand, and picked up her phone.
        "D.I. Hayward here," she answered.
        A young man spoke on the other end of the line, "Sergeant
Morrison, ma'am.  There's been an explosion out here, and I have a
couple of suspects who claim to work for Interpol.  They have ID, but I
just want to confirm that these two work with you like they said, and
aren't Japanese lady ninja terrorists or something."
        Indignant, Yomi yelled from behind the man, "I am not a
terrorist!"
        Tomo added at her usual high volume, "If we were ninjas, you
wouldn't have even seen us!"
        Michelle ran her free hand through her red hair, and furrowed
her brow.  "That's the Interpol crew, alright," she confirmed.  "Wait --
Did you say explosion?"  She glanced up at the television, where the
regularly scheduled broadcast had been interrupted with live footage of
the London Eye Ferris wheel, rising from the River Thames.  Her eyes
opened wide, and she said, "What in heaven's name...  Never mind.  I
think I'll get down there right away."  She pressed a button to
disconnect her phone, and got out of bed in earnest.
        Meanwhile, Sgt. Morrison ordered that the Interpol inspectors be
released.  However, Assange and Thomas both had active warrants for
their arrest, and thus were whisked away into police custody.
        Tomo and Yomi remained at the park, and were brought to the
ambulances which had been dispatched to the park.  Since Yomi had
escaped the encounter with only a few bruises, Tomo was the only victim
who had sustained any wounds.  The paramedics considered this very
fortunate, and set to work bandaging the small grazing bullet wound on
Tomo's arm.
        Once she was properly wrapped with gauze, both Tomo and Yomi
were peppered with questions by the constables, who wanted to establish
the timetable of the events leading to the explosion as soon as
possible.
        A few minutes later, they decided to leave the remainder of the
questions to the detectives.  Some of the policemen were drawn into the
task of keeping the media at bay while their colleagues investigated the
damage to the tourist attraction.  Left to their own devices, Tomo and
Yomi started to walk through the park.
        ｢Well, all's well that end's well,｣ Tomo decreed with a grin.
｢Assange is in jail, where he'll never leak information ever again.｣
        The words made Yomi's heart skip a beat.  ｢Oh no.  We forgot!｣
        ｢Yeah, the takoyaki!  I'm still so hungry~｣ Tomo whined,
clutching her stomach.
        ｢No, idiot.  The countdown!  That information will be released
at midnight.｣
        ｢Aw, that?  He was just making up that story to escape.｣
        ｢Remember when Chief Aramaki told us that Assange had an
insurance program -- that he might release thousands of documents and
put people in danger?｣
        ｢Oh, he did say that, didn't he?｣
        Yomi looked behind her towards Big Ben, which luckily still
stood behind the tall shadow of the newly amphibious London Eye.  The
great, backlit hands were nearly at a right angle, becoming more acute
by the minute.  She swallowed and said, ｢11:47.  We're running out of
time.｣
        Tomo took off running.  ｢To the underground lair, let's go!｣
        All Yomi could do was frown and follow.
        As the pair ran across the police cordon at the edge of the
park, they saw a familiar face driving up.  Michelle asked, "Hey girls,
you look like you're in a hurry.  Can I give you a ride?"
        Tomo took her up on the offer immediately, and jumped in the
back seat.  "Julian Assange's underground lair, and step on it!"
        "What?"  Michelle was perplexed, mostly from hearing the phrase
"underground lair" being used in a serious context.
        Yomi hopped in the front seat, and started buckling her
seatbelt.  "He has a place just up the road.  We need to get on his
computers before midnight."
        The reporters and camera crews arriving on the scene made it a
bit more difficult to get out of the area, but in a couple minutes, the
three women were descending the same set of concrete stairs from whence
Tomo had carried a bomb a short time before.  "I see what you mean about
it being a lair.  This guy has a real flair for underground places."
        Tomo led the way to the computer room where they had found
Assange.  "It's in here, Michelle.  If we're lucky, they'll still be
logged in."
        While Tomo and Michelle clicked away at the computers, Yomi
decided to take a look around the other rooms, just to avoid another
sneak attack like the last time.  She didn't find too much of interest
in the Malcolm's room, just a cot, a duffel bag full of clothes, and a
table covered with random electronics and a soldering iron.  Once she
determined the area to clear of danger, she returned to Assange's
chamber.
        As she entered, it seemed that Tomo had made the most progress,
as she announced, "Here it is!  I found the login to the secret server."
        "Good work.  Hurry up -- if what he said is true, we only have
four minutes left!" Michelle warned.
        "Don't worry!  With my super class-A hacker skills, we'll have
access in no time at all."
        "Super class-A hacker?" Michelle wondered, not quite believing
such a bizarre title.
        Everyone crowded around Tomo, to see the woman's self-proclaimed
skills at work.  Tomo typed away at the password box, trying several of
the most common passwords in quick succession: "god", "12345",
"password", "password1", and "letmein".  Each of these were a failure,
but she continued.  After the sixth entry, "wikileaks", the software
displayed a new message box:  "Error: Too many login failures (5).  2
minute timeout."
        Yomi looked at clock on the computer screen, which showed it was
only three minutes until midnight. "Damn it, Tomo!  Now we have only
five more tries."
        "Sorry," she confessed, her brow dripping with embarrassment.
        "Wait, try the password hint button," Michelle suggested.
        Tomo clicked, and Yomi read the hint aloud, "So fragile, it is
broken at the sound of its name.  Huh."
        "That's different..." Michelle said quizzically.
        Tomo scratched her head, pondering the problem.  And then she
erupted, "I've got it!"
        "You do?"
        "What is it?"
        Tomo stood up from the black roller chair, pulled a cell phone
out of her pocket and said, "Lifeline!  Phone a friend!"  Tomo selected
a number on her friends list, and started dialing.
        Michelle queried, "Who's she calling?" but Yomi replied with a
shrug.
        On a sunny morning in Japan, the phone rang in a small office
painted in bright yellow.  A middle-aged man answered the call,
｢Shiinomi Preschool, this is Godai.｣
        Tomo asked, ｢Hi, can I please speak with Osaka-sensei
immediately?  It's a big emergency!｣
        Michelle seemed relieved -- she knew enough Japanese from
watching movies to guess that Tomo must be talking to a teacher in the
city of Osaka.  On the other hand, Yomi grew even more anxious, as Tomo
had apparently decided to contact their space-case high school friend,
nicknamed Osaka by Tomo herself.
        The nickname had stuck, as her boss immediately connected the
name to his teacher from the Kansai region.  ｢Okay.  I'll go find her
right away!｣  The nearly fifty-year-old principal of the preschool,
Yuusaku Godai, began frantically searching for the woman.
        Tomo paced the room, muttering, ｢Come on... come on...｣
        A minute later, a woman with straight brown hair and eyes as
wide as Tokyo Bay stepped into the office and picked up the receiver.
｢Hello, Osaka here,｣ she said deliberately.
        ｢Hi!  It's Tomo-chan!  How are you doing?｣
        ｢Oh, fine.  I just saw a pretty butterfly today.｣
        Yomi tapped her foot impatiently.  ｢We're running out of time!｣
        Tomo said, ｢Okay, we have a super important question:  What's so
easily broken that it breaks when you say its name?｣
        Osaka answered the riddle as if it had been an ordinary
question, ｢Oh, that would be silence, right?｣
        "She says 'silence'," Tomo translated.
        Michelle reflected, "Wow, that's kind of a deep password hint."
The English detective sat down at the desk just as the password window
began allowing another login attempt.  She typed in "silence" -- no
luck.
        "Try it with capitals," Yomi suggested.  Michelle typed again,
and the again the password was rejected.
        "Leet!  Do leet!"  Tomo demanded.  Michelle entered "51l3n(3",
and hit enter; this time, the password was accepted.  Michelle opened up
a terminal on the remote machine, and with a flurry of typing, quickly
found the script that disabled the deadman switch for the day.  The
program ran, and returned a message from yet another machine: "Heartbeat
confirmed.  Countdown reset to 2010-12-08 00:00:00 UTC."
        The three girls in the room erupted in cheers, with Tomo jumping
up and down in celebration.
        At the commotion, Osaka wondered, ｢What's going on?  Did I win a
prize?｣
        Tomo briefly explained the events of the day to her friend,
recounting the events of her life with some slight exaggeration.
Meanwhile Yomi began to come down from her adrenaline high, and sat down
to take a well-deserved rest.  She concluded that it had been the most
exciting, craziest, and most stupidly dangerous day in her entire life
-- but somehow, she had still enjoyed it.  Just a little.

        Osaka hung up the phone and plodded back to her classroom, where
a bunch of rowdy five-year-olds would be waiting.  She stopped outside
her classroom and peered in through the window.  She breathed deeply,
trying to understand the enormity of what she had just accomplished.
        Godai-sensei, who had been playing with her students as they
arrived for preschool, stood and went to meet her at the door. ｢What
happened?  Is someone in your family ill?｣
        ｢No, it's all fixed now.  She says the identity of the spies
won't be revealed,｣ she explained in her slow Kansai accent.
        ｢Huh?｣
        ｢I guess I'm working for the Americans now -- when you're in
espionage, your loyalty can change just like that.｣  With that, she
walked in and greeted her young students with a smile, ｢Good morning,
class!｣
        Standing in the hallway amongst racks of colorful toys, Godai
wondered if her imagination was as large as that of all of her students
combined.

                      Tuesday, December 7, 2010
                                8:18 AM

        Koyomi Mizuhara groggily opened her eyes, revealing the shaded
light of the hotel room.  Slowly emerging from the blankets, she
eventually forced herself out of bed.  She thought to herself, <Wow,
that was a really strange dream, with the explosions and all the
computer hacking.>  She walked over to the windows and spread open the
curtains, to let the morning illuminate the room.
        From the sixth story, she could see all the way to the River
Thames, where a pair of cranes were taking up position near Big Ben to
lift a giant Ferris wheel out of the water.  She winced at the sight.
<Damn it.  It really happened.>
        As her memory flowed back to her, Yomi looked at the time on the
clock-radio, still tilted into the perfect position for a clear radio
signal.  She called out to her partner, ｢Tomo!  Time to wake up!｣
        ｢Mmmm.... Don't want to.｣
        ｢We promised the police we'd be there at nine o'clock.｣
        ｢Fuwa-fuwa time, fuwa-fuwa tiiime,｣ Tomo mumbled into the pillow
clenched in her arms, just like the lyrics of the song she heard at the
concert the day before.
        ｢Tomo, if you don't get up this instant, I'm going to start
singing it too.｣
        Tomo shot up immediately, because anything was better than
listening to Yomi's off-key voice.  ｢Alert and ready, leader!｣
        ｢Thank goodness.｣  She went to wash her face in the bathroom,
but when she got back, Tomo was lying on the bed again, eyes closed.
｢Wake up!｣ Yomi yelled.
        ｢Fine, fine,｣ Tomo slurred.  Her brown eyes haltingly slid open,
and then she began rushing to get dressed.
        ｢Sheesh.  I think you were singing the wrong song this morning.｣
Yomi recited another one of the lyrics to Afterschool Tea Time's songs,
"Please don't say you are lazy, 『'cause you are truly』crazy."

        Running behind schedule -- once again due to Tomo -- the pair
bought pasties at a bakery, eating them as they walked to the
Underground station. 
        Yomi complained, ｢I still can't believe I helped to destroy a
national landmark.  So much for your drop it in the river plan.｣
        ｢Hey, a bomb went off and no one even got injured, except me.
And you helped destroy the big wheel too, Yomi.｣
        ｢Ugh, don't remind me.  I'm so embarrassed.｣
        Tomo waved away the concerns with her hands.  ｢Don't worry.
It's like the saying, 『Shame on the road is written off!』｣
        ｢Not this time,｣ Yomi chastised.  ｢Shame on the road is written
*about*.｣  She pointed out a nearby newsstand, where the morning papers
were blanketed with news about the previous night's events.
        Some papers went with more sedate headlines like "Hacker
captured, but Interpol fails to stop explosion" or "London Eye in the
Thames: No Injuries Reported, Suspects in Custody".  The tabloids took a
different tack on the night's events; headlines included:  "Explosive
Secrets: Assange Defeated At Waterloo", "London Eye: Once Birds-Eye
View, Now Fish-Eye View", and even a subtitle of "Ferris Wheel Rolls
Away Like a Katamari".  Photos of the wheel graced the pages; moreover,
there was a grainy CCTV image of the explosion in the night sky.
        ｢Oh wow, I've got to read those!｣  Tomo skipped off to look over
the myriad accounts of her exploits. 
        Yomi stayed in place, growling, ｢Tomo, we're going to be late!
Again!｣
        ｢These are records of our precious memories!｣ she called back.
        ｢Fine,｣ Yomi said to herself.  ｢I think it's time someone taught
you a lesson.｣  While Tomo read just about every newspaper the stand had
to offer, Yomi placed a call on her cell phone.  "Hello, Superintendent
Mason?  I was wondering if you could help me with something..."        

        Finally at Scotland Yard, Tomo and Yomi rode the elevator up to
the Technology and Internet Crime Division.  Tomo's uninjured right arm
held a plastic bag filled with newspapers, which comprised a mostly
correct record of last night's adventures.  Next to her, Yomi channeled
her inner anger to keep herself from smiling in anticipation.
        The elevator doors parted, revealing the rotund figure of one
Supt. George Mason.  "You're late," he bellowed.
        "Eh?"
        "Who's responsible for this?" he interrogated.
        "It was her," Yomi said casually.  "She wouldn't wake up, and
then she had to go shopping."
        "First you blow up our Ferris wheel, and then you come in late?
Well, Takino, now you'll have to pay the price."
        "But... I mean... diplomatic immunity!" Tomo asserted, despite
the fact that she wasn't a diplomat at all.
        ｢A policeman must follow the rules with dignity and pride,｣ Yomi
recalled, and then repeated the statement in English.  "You said that."
        Tomo swallowed.
        Mason turned his side and picked up a pair of buckets filled
with water.  With a stern face, he presented them to Inspector Takino.
"Pursuant to police regulation 5510:  Stand in the hallway with these
and reflect on your tardiness."
        Tomo hesitantly picked up the buckets, and plodded over to stand
against a white wall.  Michelle, who had been peeking from the sidelines
the entire time, had to cover her mouth to keep herself from erupting in
laughter.
        Mason said, "Mizuhara, come to my office, and we'll start your
interview."
        "Yes sir."  She took a last glance at Tomo, with not an ounce of
pity in her countenance, and walked away.
        Once safely in Mason's office, all three of them broke out in a
fit of laughter.  "Oh my God, the look in her face!" Michelle got out
between her chuckles.
        Yomi beamed, saying "Thanks so much for helping me teach her
responsibility."
        "Me giving out a Japanese school punishment.  You sure know how
to pull a prank, Mizuhara," Mason congratulated.  "Want a job here?"
        "No thanks.  I think I know what kind of job I want by now."
        As they got started on taking Yomi's statement concerning the
events of the arrest, a constable in uniform passed Tomo in the hall.
When the strange sight finally registered in his brain, he stopped,
turned around, and asked, "Excuse me, Miss.  What are you doing?"
        Tomo pouted, "Holding the buckets-of-the-Yard because I'm late."
        His eyebrows raised in confusion as he looked at her, and then
he resumed walking to his destination, sorry that he had even asked.
        After the inevitable water spill was mopped up, Tomo rejoined
the others.  The detectives spent the lion's share of the day in
Scotland Yard, answering questions and filling out paperwork.  Since
Assange confirmed their story, through a statement provided by his
lawyers, they were considered cleared of any wrongdoing -- but gently
encouraged to leave the country as soon as possible by some of the
higher-level police administrators.
        After a day of sitting down for polite interrogation, Yomi was
happy to be moving around and Tomo was a veritable ball of energy.
Eager to get back to Lyon, Yomi ordered Tomo to return their rental car,
while she packed up their hotel room in relative peace and quiet.  With
tickets secured by the lovely and talented Julie Lafayette, all that
remained was to catch the afternoon train back to France.

                                4:15 PM
        Yomi lifted both her and Tomo's suitcases out of the taxi,
because she felt a little bit guilty about making Tomo hold the buckets
while wounded.  Even if the gunshot wound wasn't much worse than a big
cut, it still needed to heal.  Besides, this way left Tomo to pay the
cab fare.
        Tomo clicked up the handles on her luggage, and started forward
towards the train station.  She looked forward towards a long building
with pair of glass-covered arches.  ｢There it is!  King's Cross
Station.｣  Tomo dashed ahead with abandon.
        Yomi called out to her, ｢Wait Tomo, it's the wrong one!  The
Eurostar leaves from St Pancras Station.｣  She pointed to the more
ornate, Gothic Revival-style rail station just across the road.  Tomo
didn't seem to be paying any attention, as usual, so Yomi begrudgingly
began her pursuit.
        Yomi finally caught up with her quarry as she stopped to examine
an arch built into a brick wall halfway between Platforms 9 and 11.
｢Look Yomi!  I found it!｣
        Right above a baggage trolley that looked to have
half-disappeared into the wall, a black sign with white letters proudly
identified the site as "PLATFORM 9¾".  Tomo looked up in awe at the holy
shrine, noting how much different it looked compared to the Harry Potter
movies.
        Yomi said, ｢Oh, I get it.  I guess Tomo liked the books, too.
Wait, what are you doing?｣
        Leaning forward on one knee, holding her rolling suitcase behind
her, Tomo prepared to make the journey to the magically hidden rail
platform. She charged straight towards the illusory wall of Platform 9¾,
chanting, ｢I believe, I believe.｣
        Tomo ran head first into the cold, hard bricks of reality.  Her
luggage rolled up underneath her, dumping her ass-over-teakettle onto
the concrete floor.  It took her nearly a minute of moaning to finally
untangle herself from the half-trolley bolted to the wall.  When her
head finally came up, it revealed a bleeding cut across her forehead.
        ｢Uwaaa... I guess it isn't open this time of year...｣
        Pulling a bandage from her purse, Yomi admonished, ｢Tomo, you
are such an idiot.  Honestly.｣  She knelt down next to Tomo to brush the
black hair out of her face.  Yomi leaned closer to Tomo, and using both
hands, stuck the bandage right over the gash on her forehead.  ｢There.
That's better.｣
        Tomo had the biggest grin on her face as she stared up into
Yomi's eyes.  ｢Thanks for always protecting me, Yomi.｣
        Yomi stood up with a start.  ｢Come on!  We have a train to
catch.｣  They caught the Eurostar with plenty of time to spare, and set
off to return to Tomo's home in France.  As the train rolled out of the
station, Yomi looked out at the red rays of the sun over London.  She
began to consider if France should be her home also.
        By the time the first stars began to appear in the wintry night,
both women had fallen asleep on the train.  Yomi rested her head against
the seat back, her glasses in the process of pressing a mark onto her
temple.  Tomo used her companion's arm as a pillow, peaceful at last.  

                      Wednesday, December 8, 2010
                                11:04 AM

        Tomo was more animated than usual, recounting the entire story
of her deeds in London to an eagerly listening America.
        Sitting on her desk, Tomo recounted, "I saw that the bomb was
about to explode, so I put all of my strength into it, and hurled it
high enough to reach the river.  But... it was too late!"  She jumped
down to emphasize the point.
        "Oh no!" Mary McCormick gasped.
        Expanding her arms, she continued, "The bomb detonated mid-air,
and the force cut the cables holding the big wheel.  And then I saw it
-- a huge steel cable coming to fall right on me."
        America bit her nails in anticipation.
        "I leapt out of the way at the very last second," she said,
jumping forward, "but a loose wire got me on the head."  She pointed out
her bandage.
        "I wondered how you got that."
        Yomi, who had just walked up behind America, rolled her eyes at
Tomo's blatant lies.
        "Blood dripping past my eyes, I said, 'Hold it right there,
Assange!  You're not getting away with this!'"  Tomo yanked Yomi to her
side.  "And then, this lady right here says, 'How dare you hurt
Tomo-sama with your bomb!  Unforgivable!  I grant you this time to make
peace with your gods.'  So she whips out her gun, menace in her face."
        Yomi corrected, "Tomo, that's not quite what I..."
        "Inspector Mizuhara," a woman's voice with a Chinese accent
called out.  Yomi turned to see Inspector Shen Chen, a tall, slender
woman with long straight dark hair.  "Chief Aramaki would like to speak
with you, if you have time now."
        "Ah.  Thank you."  Yomi said.  She decided to set off for his
office rather than listen to Tomo's ridiculous story.  <Honestly,> she
thought, <how can that America girl hang on Tomo's every word?>
        She strolled over to the Chief's office, and nodded to his
secretary.  "Morning, Julie-chan."
        "Hello," Julie Lafayette answered cheerfully.  "You can go in
now, if you like."
        "Thanks.  And thanks for taking care of the travel."
        "Just doing my job, Yomi-chan," she replied in her accented
English.
        Yomi headed opened the door to the office, and steeled herself
for the reprimand she knew was coming.  Destroying a landmark had to
have dire consequences, and she fully expected to bear the brunt of them
as the newest employee.
        However, Daisuke Aramaki didn't want to talk about that at all.
｢Good morning, Mizuhara-kun.  Please, have a seat,｣ he said from behind
his desk.  When she had done so, he continued, ｢Takino-kun visited me
this morning, and she asked me to find a way for you to return to Japan
without losing face.  I have a couple of favors I could call in back
home, if I need to, so you don't need to worry.｣
        Yomi's expression softened at the news; she hadn't been
expecting sympathy from either Chief Aramaki or Tomo.
        ｢But I must ask: do you truly want to leave now?  Because from
every account I've read, you've made a fine ICPO officer, demonstrating
courage, intelligence, and teamwork,｣ Aramaki said, with a hint of pride
in his gruff voice.  ｢So, the choice is yours, Muzuhara-kun.｣
        Yomi sat there stunned, but then started to think about her
options one more time.  She sighed, and then spoke up, ｢Even though I'll
surely regret this later, I think I'd like to stay here, Chief Aramaki.｣
        The middle-aged man grinned and said, ｢That's good news.｣
        ｢Chief, aren't you concerned about the explosion?｣
        ｢Well... we're used to working with Takino Tomo,｣ he explained.
        ｢I just don't understand.  Why do you keep her around if she
always has all of these big problems?  I've known her my entire life,
and she's been a big idiot the whole time.｣
        ｢I do admit that she has flaws,｣ Aramaki put it delicately.
｢Yet you and she entered a situation a hundred times more dangerous than
we expected, and managed to complete all of your objectives without any
serious injury.｣
        He shifted gears, ｢What you may not understand about the ICPO is
that I don't have the luxury of choosing my own officers.  They are
offered from the goodwill of foreign governments.  Even then, many
agents do not wish to come here and lose their chance of advancement at
home.  And the police officers who do come often work for their own
national interests or personal interests ahead of justice.  Takino-kun
has a good sense of justice, and her loyalties are clear.｣
        ｢She's too stupid to have any hint of duplicity, that's for
sure.｣
        Aramaki chuckled.  ｢And you are too frank for duplicity.｣
        Yomi blushed a little.  ｢I guess so,｣ she said tentatively.
        ｢Anyway, I'm glad to have you here.  But please -- try not to
blow up anything else.｣
        Yomi exclaimed, ｢That wasn't our fault!｣



           /♪  Oranges and Lemons  "Raspberry Heaven"  ♪/

                           INTERPOL MANZAI
                      Part 1: The Assange Affair

Thanks to my prereaders, Arcane, Lawrence, and Yu-chan.

Special thanks to Don Rosa, for teaching me that there's no excuse for
not over-researching a story.

For additional notes on the story, see the concordance at:
<http://www.brentlaabs.com/IM/IM-01-assangeaffair-concordance.txt>

Comments, criticism, and outcry are welcomed at <bslaabs@gmail.com>.

This story is not intended to accurately reflect real events, but rather
how such events were portrayed in the media, as political parody.  This
story is a work of fiction, which you may have guessed by the fact that
anime girls are running around fighting crime.

This story is copyright Brent Laabs, 2013, and is released under a
Creative Commons-Attribution 3.0 Unported License
<http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/>.  Version: 1

Takino Tomo, Mizuhara Koyomi, Mihama Chiyo, Kasuga Ayumu, Sakaki,
Kagura, Kaorin, Chihiro, Tanizaki Yukari, and Kurosawa Minamo were
created by Azuma Kiyohiko.  Wasp was created by Stieg Larsson.  Aramaki
Daisuke was created by Shirow Masamune, as interpreted by Kamiyama
Kenji.  Kobayakawa Miyuki was created by Fujishima Kousuke.  Hirasawa
Yui, Nakano Azusa, Tainaka Ritsu, Akiyama Mio, Kotobuki Tsumugi, and
Yamanaka Sawako were created by Kakifly.  Julian Assange was created by
Christine Ann Assange.  Stephen Colbert was created by Stephen Colbert.

Apologies to the baggage staff of the Lyon Airport, who I'm sure are
very competent people.

                            You belong.